“Dad, I know this isn’t the best time,” Michael began, “but I really need to speak with you alone about something. Do you mind?”
“No, we can go to my room and talk there,” I suggested. “People will be less likely to venture in, if the door is closed.”
We got up and headed for my bedroom and Michael shut the door behind us, once we entered. I wasn’t sure what this was about, but it seemed to be important to him.
“Dad,” Michael began, “This is probably not the right time and I’m not sure how to say this, but is something going on between you and Jake?” I was stunned by his question and didn’t answer right away. After a few moments of reflection, I finally responded.
“Why would you ask that,” I countered, “and what difference would it make if there was?” He just stared at me at this point.
“Well, the question came up while Andrea and I were using your room this time. When we first arrived, we went to hang some things in your closet and couldn’t help but notice that your things and Jake’s were in there together. We knew some of those clothes were Jake’s, because we’ve seen him wearing those same items during some of our other visits. So, what’s the story here?”
“The story is, I’m an adult and I don’t need to explain myself to you, my other children or anyone else,” I shot back. “Whether anything is or isn’t going on is my business and not yours, so I think we should end this discussion now.”
“I’m sorry, Dad, but I can’t,” he replied. “I’m pretty sure about what’s happening here and I just don’t understand it. For God’s sake, you were married to Mom all those years and together had us four kids, but now it turns out you’re gay? How could you disgrace her memory like this?”
“Michael, I was married to your mother for many years, and they were very good years too,” I said. “We had four beautiful children, who have in turn given me three beautiful grandchildren, and I wish she was here to enjoy them too, but that was obviously not meant to be. I met Jake when some of the boys helped his son out of a threatening situation and they have since become a part of this family as well. Jake and I have a great deal in common and it’s nice to have someone nearer my own age to talk to once in a while. Beside that, he also helps me manage this mad house and take care of the boys, and I think that’s all you need to know.”
“But are you gay?” he demanded.
“No, Michael, I am not,” I replied. “If you must put a label on it, then you might say I’m bisexual, not merely gay.”
“But you’re sleeping with another guy,” he shot back.
“You don’t know that. You’re only speculating,” I corrected.
“Well, unless you are willing to swear to me you aren’t and tell me directly that I am wrong,” he continued, “I’m afraid my wife and I won’t be coming here any more – and my children won’t either.”
“Why? I’m no different now than I was before,” I challenged.
“Maybe not, but I don’t want my family to be part of anything like this and I don’t want my children exposed to seeing their grandfather cavorting with another man,” he spat out, angrily. “I’ve talked to Marie, Adrian, Robert and Elizabeth, and we’ve all suspected some of our new brothers might be gay and we’ve learned to accept that, but we can’t accept the fact we now have a gay father.” I just stared at Michael, as I digested his comment.
“So you’re telling me that the others all feel the same way you do?” I asked.
“Yes, Dad, I am,” he stated, emphatically. We just stared at each other for a few moments, before I found my voice again.
“Why don’t you go get them, because I want to hear it out of their mouths,” I told him. I wasn’t exactly sure why I demanding this, as I felt I might be setting myself up to get hurt even worse, but it was already done.
Michael nodded and left the room, but quickly returned with his siblings and their spouses. I studied their faces as they entered and immediately realized this situation probably wasn’t going to turn out in my favor.
“Michael tells me that unless I deny that Jake and I are involved in any way, he and his family won’t be coming here any more,” I began. “He also told me the rest of you agree with him about this and will follow his lead. Is this true?” No one answered and my two daughters just let their heads drop to their chests, as they began to stare at the floor.
“Well, I guess I have my answer then,” I acknowledged, sadly. “No matter what you think, and I will not deny or confirm any of your allegations, but I will only add that I have not changed in any way since your mother died. You will always be welcome here, but I take it I won’t be seeing any of you again soon. You do what you think you have to do, and so will I, but I am disappointed that you’re taking such a hard line, narrow-minded view of things.”
Having said my piece, I left the room and continued out the front door. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew I had to get out of there and clear my head before it exploded. I merely began walking up the road, with no destination in mind.
When I returned, maybe forty minutes to an hour later, I merely sat on the swing on the front porch for a while, since I wasn’t ready to be confronted again. However, I wasn’t alone for long, for that’s when my younger son, Robert, discovered me. It seemed he felt he needed to talk to me, so he could clarify his position.
“Dad, I don’t agree with Michael and I don’t care what’s going on between you and Jake. Michael told us what you said, about you’re both consenting adults and all, and I agree. You obviously don’t flaunt whatever it is you might be doing and we only discovered it because of some innocent snooping, so to speak. If being with Jake is what makes you happy, then I say go for it, but I’m afraid I might be the only one who feels this way.
“Don’t be angry with them, Dad, because I think they’ll change their minds once they consider this more fully. I hope this is merely something they’ve decided in haste and will eventually come to realize you’re still the same guy we’ve always loved. I’m hoping once they have had time to think this through more fully, they will realize how foolishly they’ve acted. I know you raised us to be open-minded, but that’s not the view our peers shared and I’m afraid their friends influenced my brother and sisters more than you and mom.
“The way I see it,” Robert continued, “unless they are willing to approach this subject logically and dispassionately, and are willing to admit there is nothing wrong in what you’re doing, they will all eventually regret the price they are going to have to pay for their narrow outlook on life.”
“Thank you, Robert,” I told him, once he’d finished. “Your support means a great deal to me, and I’m glad to know not all of my children are deserting me over this issue.” At this point he wrapped his arms around me and gave me a big hug.
“I love you, Dad, and nothing will ever change that,” he stated, before he released me.
I thanked him again, before he went back inside, but I wasn’t alone for very long. Almost immediately, Marie, my older daughter, came out to speak privately with me too.
“Dad, I don’t agree with Michael,” she informed me, “but unfortunately my husband does. Rather than fight him and possibly jeopardize my marriage, I’ll go along with him for now, but I wanted you to know I still love you. I will talk to Adrian and try to get him to see he’s wrong in his beliefs, but it may take some time. Until then, I’ll probably only talk to you on the phone or online. I’m sorry it turned out like this, but Adrian is like his parents, very conservative and sometimes bigoted in his beliefs. I’m afraid this is one of those times when it will make things difficult for all of us.”
“Thanks, honey, and I appreciate your support,” I told her. “I also understand your dilemma, so you do what you have to do and don’t jeopardize your family over me. I don’t want to be responsible for creating any turbulence in your marriage.”
“Oh, I think we’ll get past this,” she replied, “or at least I hope we will. I have a feeling your grandson will drive my husband crazy, if he’s not allowed to come visit you and his other uncles any longer. I’m pretty sure Robert agrees with me on this, but I think Elizabeth and Michael pretty much see eye-to-eye on this issue.”
“Thanks again, honey, and I’ve already talked to Robert,” I informed her. “Too bad he’s single, because now this will affect my relationship with all my grandchildren too.”
“Don’t worry, Dad. This will all blow over in time,” she suggested. “Just hang in there until it does.”
“Okay, honey, and thanks for being so supportive,” I responded, before I kissed her, and she went back inside.
I thought I’d now have some time to digest what had happened, but I had only a short time alone, before Jake found me next.
“Josh, I think we need to talk,” he began.
“Not now, Jake,” I told him, trying to put him off for the time being, but he obviously wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer.
“Josh, we have to talk now,” he insisted. “I’ve overheard a little about what’s going on with your children and I can move into Shannon’s room instead, or Shannon and I can find our own place now. No matter how much I love you, I’d rather not be the one who causes a rift in your family and keeps you from spending time with your grandchildren.”
“No, Jake, I’m not going to coddle them,” I replied. “It’s not you who is driving this wedge between my children and me. They are the ones doing this and it is their acceptance of a bigoted, narrow-minded viewpoint that’s splitting the family. I do not want you to leave and nothing is going to change, because I could not stand losing you on top of everything else that has happened. If my children can’t accept what we have together and decide to shun us, then I don’t want them in my life either.” I just looked him squarely in the eye, trying to let him see how much he truly meant to me.
“Josh, you know you don’t mean that and that’s not what you want. There’s no way you’ll be happy without your grandchildren in your life and I know you find it extremely difficult to handle not seeing them in the future. However, that’s exactly what will happen, as long as I’m still here. Josh, I will do this for your sake, but we can still be close, even if we aren’t sharing the same bedroom.”
“NO! Fuck them and the ones who feel this way can go to hell. I’ll handle whatever I have to handle, but I know I couldn’t handle it if you and Shannon weren’t still in my life. In time, maybe my stubborn children will change their minds, but if not, then I no longer need them. I will not be told what to do, like some misbehaving child. I am their father – they are not mine!” I hoped my last statement would be the end of the discussion, but Jake wasn’t going to let it drop easily.
“Well, I won’t be able to deal with knowing I came between you, your children and grandchildren. Maybe you can pretend this isn’t going to effect you, but it is already having an impact on me. I will not be the cause of you not being able to see your children and grandchildren in the future.”
“Jake, if that happens, you will not be the cause of it, by any means. The cause of that happening will be due to the right wing, conservative, back-woods outlook expressed by my grown children. I know they’ve accepted the fact that some of the boys might be gay, although we never confronted them directly with the issue, but I guess they draw the line when it comes to me. Robert and Marie seem to be okay with it, but Adrian is forcing Marie’s hand. The other two seem to have drawn the proverbial line in the sand, so they’ll have to be the ones to cross over it, if anyone ever does.”
“But Josh…” I cut him off.
“Jake, they’re old enough to make up their own minds and it’s the way my wife and I raised them. We wanted them to be strong, independent individuals and each of them thanked us for making them self-sufficient when they were in college. They often told us they were about the only ones who could actually do most things for themselves.
“Even though we taught them to be self-reliant, I thought we’d also taught them to make educated and enlightened choices, but I guess we failed there. However, since they’ve made their choice, they will have to live with the consequences that result from their decisions; just as I’ve had to do for the many choices I’ve made in my life. I think it’s best we just put this subject behind us now and move on. I don’t want to dwell on this matter any longer.”
I wasn’t sure I had convinced Jake, but he didn’t argue with me further and, eventually, went back inside. The next thing I saw was my older children loading up their belongings in our vehicles, so our older drivers could take them to catch their flights. Jake was originally going to do this, but I felt he wouldn’t be able to make the trip without commenting on what they had said or were doing. Therefore, I asked Mark and Frankie if they’d be willing to drive them and they both agreed.
I sat on the porch, rocking in the swing, as they prepared to leave. I didn’t even bother to get up to say good-bye, figuring if they didn’t feel a farewell was in order, then neither did I. Robert and my grandsons were the only ones to come over to me before he took off.
My grandsons were very emotional, since they had heard their parents state they wouldn’t be coming here any more, although they hadn’t heard the comments about Jake and I. Therefore, they both wanted to know why they couldn’t come visit any longer.
“Did we do something to make you mad, Papa?” Nicky asked, with a very sad expression on his face.
“No, you boys have done nothing,” I assured them. “It’s just that your parents don’t agree with some things I’m doing here and have decided they don’t want to be part of my life any longer.”
“Can they do that?” Jordan asked, confused.
“They are old enough to make their own choices,” I confirmed, “so I won’t try to change their minds.”
“But what if we want to come spend time with you? Can we still do that?” Jordan continued.
“You’re always welcome here, but I don’t feel your parents will allow you to do so any longer,” I advised.
“Then we’ll make up own minds, like they did,” Nicky stated, defiantly.
“Your not old enough to go against your parents yet,” I stated. “As long as you are below the age when you can be on your own, you’ll have to do what your parents tell you.”
They each looked upset that I didn’t encourage their stance and Jordan decided to clarify it. “They aren’t listening to you, so why should we do what they tell us?” he asked.
“You need to obey your parents and do as they say,” I reiterated, “until you’re old enough to be on your own. Until then, I’ll be thinking of you, loving you in my heart and praying your parents change their minds.”
They weren’t happy with this, but went off to join their parents to return home. After they left me, Robert approached one final time.
“Don’t give up, Dad,” he told me. “Maybe they’ll see the light yet. I still love you and will keep in touch. I also think you’ll hear from Marie as well, so not all is lost.”
I thanked him again for his support and told him I had chatted with Marie earlier, before he took off to catch his ride.
Once my older children left, I rounded up the others and we went inside to discuss another issue. I wanted to find out who was interested in helping the Beckers; since I promised Albert I’d only use volunteers. I had taken time to ask Mark and Frankie before they left and both agreed to do what they could, although Mark could only help out on the weekends. I think I’ll use him on Saturdays and let him have Sunday to himself.
Before I could even broach the subject of helping out on the farm, some of the boys began to ask me other questions. They had heard snippets of conversations between their oldest siblings and seemed more upset than Jake or I about what had happened. I tried to downplay the events that had transpired earlier, by explaining to the boys that everyone is free to make up his own mind and each of us has to do what he thinks is best for himself and his family. Although they agreed in principal with what I had said, they were still upset about what this meant for me. I could see the wheels turning in many of their heads, as they endeavored to figure out a way to defuse this crisis.
To get their minds off my problems, I talked to everyone about Mrs. Becker and her health related issues. It seemed as though the boys had also noticed her swings in lucidity when they had approached her to say hello. Instead of responding as they expected, she would either ask if she knew them or made some off the wall comment about something else. Concerned, they confronted Little Ricky about his mother’s condition.
Even though he was a bit embarrassed by it, and even a little ashamed, he filled them in on some of the things that had been going on. I let them know Mr. Becker and Little Ricky could use a break from their workload and suggested we could take turns going out to the farm, so we could help them out. I suggested we could go to the farm in small groups of maybe two, three or four at a time, and then stay for up to a week to lend a hand. Since they were somewhat familiar with the various jobs on the farm, they knew what would be required of them.
The boys all seemed to think this was a good idea and volunteered to participate. Even Peter offered to go and help out too, although I told him he didn’t have to. He said he didn’t mind and would go out with Ricky, so I told him that would be fine, if it’s what he wanted. I also let them get together and figure out who would go out with whom, but I would make out a schedule determining when they would go. I realized some of them had probably volunteered just so they could spend some time with Little Ricky, but I also knew they wanted to relieve him of some of his burden. They all realized how difficult it must be for him to cope with his mother’s condition, especially during the times when she didn’t even recognize him.
I also told them it looked as if Little Ricky now wanted to be called Richard, since that was what Mr. Becker was doing. I wasn’t certain, but suspected, like Frankie, he was trying to make a statement by doing this and using this as his way to forge a more mature identity. The boys all said they understood and agreed to try to remember to call him Richard when they were with him.
After I made out a quick schedule and filled in the various groups that wanted to work together, I called Mr. Becker to confirm the arrangements. Jake or I would drive the groups out and leave them for the week, figuring this would take some of the pressure off Albert and Little Ricky, excuse me – Richard, and give them a little respite.
He thanked me several times and asked me to relay his gratitude to my sons, but he’d also do that personally, when they came out to the farm. He also said it would be good for Richard to have their company, as it might take his mind off of worrying about his mother. After talking a little longer, I told him we’d see him this weekend.
Now that was settled, I began working on finalizing our vacation plans. Things had changed drastically, since Cody was gone and it didn’t look as if my grandsons would be joining us either. I just hope it doesn’t turn out to be a big bust.