Chapter 1 – Picking Up the Pieces.
We’d just arrived home after Cody’s funeral and I was surprised at the number of people waiting for us. The Shays had informed me earlier that some of our friends wanted to come to the house for a while, but I never suspected they meant this many. I assumed he was talking about the Spences, Beckers, Sally, his wife and him, and possibly a couple of others, but I never imagined I’d find the sort of gathering that greeted us when we got there. Our home was overflowing with many other friends, co-workers and extended family, but it was nice to see so much support, concern and love as was being generated at this time.
At first, I suspected everyone had come by to see how we were handling our grief or to offer their sympathy, but it soon appeared they had more in mind. Many had brought food, so we could have a meal after the service, but there turned out to be more than enough to feed everyone who showed up. Our friends took care of all of the preparation and other details, which included cleaning up afterward. It was extremely kind and thoughtful of everyone and their efforts were greatly appreciated. It also seemed to soften our grief for a time, as we focused on appreciating those around us.
Even though Cody’s passing wasn’t quite as devastating for me as Brent’s death had been, it was still hard to deal with. Brent’s passing had been the result of an accident and not something I had been able to prepare for, even though Graham had continually warned me that he suspected something might happen to him. However, being able to anticipate Cody’s demise did not make it any easier to deal with.
Despite the fact I’d been praying for a miracle, I knew Cody’s chances of beating the Leukemia were slim. He was fighting against gigantic odds and I think I had begun to resign myself to his fate, even before the end came. Still, it doesn’t mean losing him affected me any less than when I lost Brent or that my grief wasn’t as deep. The only difference was the shock factor.
When it happened, I wasn’t ready to hear about Brent’s tragic death, whereas Cody’s passing was almost a relief, in that I knew he was no longer suffering. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m somewhat comforted to know he is no longer in pain and is in a much better place. This doesn’t mean I loved him less, don’t miss him as much or I’m not as sad, because I am. It was just a different set of circumstances.
In both cases, there’s a grieving process to go through and it’s not something you can bypass or ignore. The process wasn’t easy when I lost Brent and I know this time will be just as difficult, but it’s something I must go through. When Brent died, I leaned on those near and dear to get me through the roughest times and I will do the same now.
My biggest regret is that it takes a tragedy like this to reunite you with people whom you care deeply about and have known for a long time. When things like this happen, those people suddenly appear out of nowhere to offer their assistance and, suddenly, you wonder where they’ve been in the interim. However, it’s still nice when they extend their love and support, because that’s when you truly realize how many wonderful friends you actually have.
I made it a point to move around the house for one reason, so I could speak personally to everyone in attendance. I thanked each of them for his concern and support and wanted to let everyone know how much I appreciated his friendship and emotional support. I also wanted to thank them for bringing the various dishes they had prepared to feed my family and those who stopped by. Although it may not seem like anyone did a great deal, it was far more than anyone could ever suspect. Due to the size of my family alone, not to mention the number of friends who had gathered together with us, each person must have spent a considerable sum and a great deal of time to provide the quantity of food it took to feed this small army.
I had spoken to about half the people in attendance when I came upon the Beckers. I was anxious to chat with them, seeing I hadn’t seen them since the previous Christmas. I guess that was partially due to the fact we had all been so involved with Cody’s medical condition and other parental issues, but I felt I needed to apologize for my oversight. I slowly walked toward them and spoke.
“Albert. Arlene,” I began. “I’m so sorry I’ve been so lax about keeping in touch.”
“Josh, no need to apologize. We understand,” Mr. Becker responded, “ so don’t think twice about it. It’s partially our fault too, as we’ve been quite busy ourselves.”
“Oh, Josh,” his wife added. “We’re so sorry about what happened. He was such a cute young man and we didn’t really get a chance to know him very well.”
Mr. Becker looked at his wife as she spoke and he seemed to be making some odd facial expressions as she continued. I wrote it off as a figment of my imagination, due to the recent stressful events I had been through.
“Thank you for coming and showing your support,” I told them. “It’s times like these when our dearest friends and family are most important to us. I’m sorry you didn’t get the opportunity to know Cody better, because he was a truly remarkable young man.”
“From what I’ve heard, for him to have gone through all he did and still remain so optimistic about his chances, he must have been a truly unique individual,” Mr. Becker added.
“I know none of us will ever forget him,” I continued, “but it will take some time to adjust to his loss. It’s hard to explain how someone who has only been a part of your life for such a short time could have such a huge impact.”
“Just be grateful you had him for as long as you did,” Mr. Becker offered, sincerely.
“Were you related to the boy who died?” Mrs. Becker asked, taking me aback. I couldn’t understand her comment and looked toward Albert for an explanation.
“Arlene, this is Josh Currie and the boy was one of Josh’s sons. You know that,” he told his wife very softly, but there was no spark of recognition in her eyes and there didn’t seem to be any connection to our previous conversation. Looking confused, she just stared back at her husband.
“Josh, I’m sorry,” Mr. Becker added, apologetically. “We’ve been battling our own problems for the past several months. Arlene has been diagnosed with an Alzheimer-like disease and isn’t always lucid. I don’t think it is Alzheimer’s, because she doesn’t ever get violent. Sometimes she’s aware of what’s going on around her, but at other times she has no idea where she is or who others are.”
“Albert, I’m so sorry to hear this and can only imagine what you’ve had to endure,” I consoled. “Is there anything we can do to help?”
“Josh, you have enough to handle with your own family and we’ll be fine,” Albert responded. “It was hard for me when Richard was in school, because I had to cover both my wife’s and my chores, while at the same time trying to keep an eye on her. However, now that Richard is on his summer vacation, he can help me do her chores and take over some of the responsibility of helping me care for her, so it’s not so bad. I’m just not sure what I’ll do when he goes back to school in the fall.”
While he was speaking, I immediately noticed Albert had called his son Richard and suspected Little Ricky might be outgrowing his nickname. I wanted to inquire about this, but due to everything else going on, I felt I would have to pursue it at some later date. However, I still had to respond to him about the current situation first.
“Albert, don’t let your pride get in the way,” I offered. “My boys and I would love to help you and your family in any way we can. Besides, it might be good for us too, to keep our minds occupied so we don’t dwell so much on having lost Cody.”
“I’m sorry, Josh. I didn’t mean to offend you,” Albert apologized, “and we would be happy to accept any help you would like to give. Just don’t go out of your way and end up neglecting your family in the process.”
“Don’t worry about that, Albert,” I replied. “We’re all survivors and we would be happy to do what we can to ease your burden too.”
“Albert, who are all these people and what are we doing here?” his wife suddenly asked.
“We’re at the Currie’s home, Arlene,” he told her. “You remember Josh and his boys, don’t you?” She stared blankly at him and I could sense his pain. I could also see how much it hurt him that his devoted partner no longer traveled on the same plane of reality as the rest of us.
“Josh, would you excuse us, please?” Mr. Becker asked. “I think I need to take my wife home now.”
“Certainly, Albert, and I’ll be in touch soon,” I told him. “The boys and I will set up a schedule establishing who will come out to the farm to help out and when. We’ll keep rotating the boys, so you’ll have plenty of help. I know this is a busy time for you and we’ll be there as much as possible. I realize you’re concerned the boys might not be as willing to do this, so to ease your doubts, I promise I’ll only utilize those who volunteer for this duty.”
“Josh, you and your family are so very special,” Mr. Becker countered. “Even at a time when you’re dealing with your own problems, you still think of others first.”
“Not entirely, Albert. I’m doing this for us too,” I admitted. “I think it will help us get through the next few weeks by not allowing anyone to spend so much time focusing on our loss.”
Albert nodded and then we parted company. He took his wife and Little Ricky home, but did take time to say good-bye to everyone first. I planned on discussing their situation with the boys later, once the rest of our guests had departed.
Over the next hour or two, all our other guests began to leave as well, although Steve, Mary, Sally and the Spences stayed until the very end. They were continually picking up, putting things away and washing the dirty dishes. After everything had been taken care of and it began to grow very late, they also took their leave, but not before letting us know all we had to do is contact them, if there was anything else we might need.
Once they had gone, I made my rounds to see how the boys were doing. First, I looked for Graham. Of course, I suspected he’d be with Kevin, so I went to Kevin and Vinnie’s room first, to see if he was there. The door to their room was open, and as I looked inside, I wasn’t surprised to see the three of them together.
When Graham noticed me standing in the doorway, he stood up and came racing toward me. He threw his arms around my waist and hugged me, before he looked up and spoke. “It was beautiful. Everything was just wonderful,” he gushed.
“I’m glad you thought so,” I told him, while hugging him back.
“Cody must have loved it,” he added, when he lifted his head and looked at my face. “That’s probably why he was smiling when I saw him, as we left the cemetery.”
“I hope he realized everything we did and heard what you and Trey wrote,” I added.
“And what you said too,” Graham corrected, “and I hope he saw Andrew’s new picture of him. It was really awesome. I can’t believe he was able to do it so quickly.”
“Yes, he is truly a very talented young man,” I agreed. “Are you doing all right?”
“Yes, I’m okay,” he confirmed. “Kevin and Vinnie are going to let me stay with them again tonight. I hope that’s okay.”
“It’s fine with me,” I confirmed, “as long as the three of you have agreed.” I saw Kevin and Vinnie nodding their heads in the background.
“I want to thank both of you,” I told them, “for helping out like this. I’m sure Graham appreciates it as much as I do and I just wanted to let you know that.”
“We know, Dad,” Kevin replied, with a wide grin.
“It’s all cool, Pop,” Vinnie added. “You’ve always been there for us, so we’re just trying to do what we can too.”
“Well, that means a great deal to me and I can’t thank you enough,” I told them. “I just want you to know that. Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Nope, we’re fine,” Graham confirmed, “but I guess I should thank you for everything you did for Cody and me. Cody told me he felt lucky that he got to come here and I know he loved you as much as we all do. Thanks for doing everything you did for him and for letting me be there for him until the end.”
“Hey, I was just doing my job as a dad,” I replied, before things got too maudlin, and then I left the room, so I could check on the others.
Most of the boys were doing fine when I looked in on them, although they were all pretty sad. I can’t imagine it was easy for any of them to lose another brother, even if they weren’t around him for very long or had the opportunity to know him very well.
As I went into another room, I noticed Ricky and Peter were also together. This came as no surprise, but what I saw did cause me to wonder what was going on. Ricky had his arms around Peter, who was sobbing into Ricky’s chest.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, since I was confused by what I was seeing.
“I think today just got to Peter,” Ricky told me. “We were in here talking and I think he was worried about how I was doing, but then he suddenly started crying. I haven’t found out why yet, but I’m sure it has something to do with Cody.”
I went over and sat down, on the other side of Peter, to see if I could help. When I did, Peter turned toward me, looked up through his tear filled eyes and spoke.
“I’m sorry, Sir,” he began. “I know I promised to help Ricky, but suddenly I saw one of my mates in that coffin, instead of your son. I don’t know why I thought that, but it made me very sad.”
“Hey, no problem,” I reassured him, as I put my arm around his shoulder. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No, Sir,” he replied. “I guess I was just a bit bonkers.”
“No, not at all,” I responded. “Death is not something that is easily dealt with and can affect us in many ways. Do you have any idea why you thought of your friend in this manner?”
“Well, he does slightly resemble your son,” he answered.
“Who?” Ricky asked, since I guess he hadn’t gotten this far with Peter.
“Brian,” Peter almost whispered and I could see the wheels turning in Ricky’s head.
“You know, you’re right,” Ricky confirmed. “Even though he’s a little older, slightly taller and his hair is a little darker, they do look somewhat alike. You know, if I just looked at the black and white picture of Cody, I could almost see Brian instead.” Peter nodded and then lowered his head again.
“Well, now that’s settled, is there anything I can do for either of you?” I followed.
“No, Sir. I’ll be fine,” Peter replied.
“Hey, what’s with this sir crap again?” I teased, while giving him a wink when he looked up at me.
“Sorry, Pop,” he apologized. “I guess I forgot while I was feeling sad.”
“Well, let’s cheer up and get that Peter smile back in place,” I told him, which immediately got the response I wanted.
“How about you?” I asked Ricky. “How are you doing?”
“I’m okay,” he told me. “It was a little rough at the funeral home, church and cemetery, but I think I’m okay now. I’ll let you know if I need anything though.”
“I hope you do,” I told him, before I left.
After checking on the rest of the boys, I went back downstairs and ran into my grandsons. They weren’t as cheery as they generally were, so I thought I should speak with them as well.
“Anyone want to go outside with me,” I asked. They both looked up, but neither answered.
“Aw, come on,” I continued. “I don’t want to be all alone. So no one wants to be with me?”
“I’ll go, Papa, if you want,” Jordan answered, but I could tell his heart wasn’t into it.
“Me too,” Nicky added, but I could also tell he was just trying to humor me.
“Come on then, let’s go out on the porch,” I suggested, figuring I could talk to them privately there. Once we were sitting on the porch swing, I confronted them.
“Is something wrong?” I asked. They looked at each other, before either spoke.
“Papa, are any of our other uncles going to die?” Nicky finally asked.
“As I told you earlier,” I stated, while looking him directly in the eye, “I suspect the rest of us will all be very old before that happens.”
“Yeah, but Uncle Cody should have been old when he died too,” Jordan challenge, “and Uncle Brent too.”
“I know and I’m not sure why they didn’t live to be very old too,” I explained, as I tried to remain calm and collected, “but sometimes accidents and diseases do happen.”
“So it could happen to one of our other uncles or us?” Nicky pressed, putting me on the spot again.
“I guess anything is possible,” I agreed, “but what happened to your Uncle Brent and Uncle Cody were unusual. Uncle Brent just happened to be in an automobile accident and was the only one seriously hurt. Uncle Cody just got sick, but the doctors didn’t know enough about his illness to be able to help him. Even though things like this happened to them, it probably won’t happen to anyone else.”
“Promise,” Jordan challenged.
“Jordan, I can’t promise,” I acknowledged, “but it is highly unlikely.”
“So something could happen?” Jordan continued.
“Yes, like I said, it is possible, just not probable,” I explained. “It’s not something you should be worrying about though, because I doubt anything like this will happen again, at least until you’re old and gray.”
“Like you, Papa,” Nicky observed, which innocently reminding me of my own mortality.
“Even older and grayer than me,” I told him with a wink, so he didn’t start to worry he’d insulted or offended me.
“Okay, if you say so, Papa,” he agreed, and then both livened up a bit, as we swung back and forth.
The boys stayed with me for another thirty minutes or so and we chatted about many other things. I asked them if they were going to join us on our vacation this year and they immediately said they wanted to, before asking me where we were going this year. I explained a little to them and they seemed satisfied with what they heard, so I figured I had two more to add to my plans. I would check with their parents first, just to make sure I had their approval.
Once we went inside, I entered the family room to relax and spend some time alone. I realized I also needed to clear my mind and take a little more time to think about how we could help the Beckers. My time alone didn’t last long, however, because my older son Michael came in to speak with me.