When I felt Chandler firmly take a hold of my wrist and lead me off set tith a mischievous grin...the overwhelming charge of infatuated chills and turbulent wiggles that I felt racing towards my brain all at once were almost enough to render me unconscious.
What am I doing? I mean...this is all happening so fat. I just...I felt like I needed some time to think, you know? I'm a rational person, right? I have a heart. I have a soul. I can't just...run off with some cute boy to go have sex in a trailer all of a sudden while I'm supposed to be at work. I mean...I am actually working right now, aren't I? Acting is my job. Did anybody see me leave? Did my MOM see me leave? Is anything about this little adventure 'okay', or are we breaking a variety of unspoken rules here by even attempting such a thing.
Ugh! DAMN you, Hollywood, and your questionable sense of morality! You're not really helping me out here with your lack of boundaries!
"Chandler...?" I said, meekly, but he just kept leading me towards the trailer with a quickened pace. I just remember getting more and more nervous with every single step, and as my breath got shorter and shorter, now only coming out in a short series of pants and gasps...we got to the trailer and I watched him open the door for me.
"After you, cutie pie..." He said, smiling at me in the cutest way as the sunlight caught his neon blue eyes at just the right angle, causing my heart to turn to jelly and my knees to rubber.
I actually felt like a 'passenger' in my own skin as I stepped up into the trailer, unable to really do anything to regain control of my common sense. The feel of his soft palm wrapped around me, the wind lightly blowing through the extended locks of his brown hair...it kept me hypnotized the entire time. I wanted to hesitate and maybe pull back for a moment or two so I could shake myself out of the brain fog that I was experiencing at that very moment...but I couldn't. You know? Seriously...like, my body wouldn't let me. If anything, it only made me get even harder in my pants than I was before. And that just made me want him more.
The feelings that I had been hiding and suppressing for him for oh so long now seemed to intensify the moment he walked in the trailer behind me and closed the door. I mean...we were alone. Actually alone. It was the most surreal thing that I've ever been a part of...being able to look into Chandler's eyes in real life...having him smile at me as he used his fingers to brush some of his long hair off to the side as he stepped closer to me.
It was something that I had been dreaming about for years now. Being able to watch him. Touch him. Inhale his sexed up scent as he stood before me, his gaze begging for my permission to let my guard down and surrender to his charms without question. I felt my mouth go completely dry as I felt myself smiling back at him. Maybe it was involuntary...but I couldn't really be sure. I don't even know who I am anymore.
It's Chandler Riggs! He's like...the whole reason that I even came way out here to try out for a role on the "Walking Dead" in the first place. He might even be the reason that I wanted to become an actor at all. Thinking about him. Dreaming about him. Jacking off several times a day with the thoughts of being able to slide his hardness in between my moist lips and sucking him off to orgasm, only to slide downward to lick and nurse at his warm and tender balls until he was hard again and ready to fill me up with another load. You have no idea how long I've been fantasizing about this exact scenario! And now...now I feel so lost. Painfully so.
Come on, Evan! It's...it's Chandler! Like...don't be stupid about this!
But...but....Greyson though? What about my Greyson?
I really loved Greyson with every piece of my heart and soul. Nothing about this fair. Not to him.
But...Chandler!
Awww...but Greyson, though!!!
Chandler got even closer to me, and I took a step backward from him, but that only pressed my back up against the wall of the trailer. He didn't stop. He just smiled at me, and briefly whispered, "So cute..." as he suddenly put his hands on my hips, and leaned in to kiss me on the mouth.
I was so shocked that I didn't even close my eyes when he did it. If anything, they popped wide open at first...and were lulled into a seductive trance that caused them to slowly close as a soft moan escaped my lips.
My hands, instinctively rose up to drape themselves over Chandler's shoulders...and I felt the tension in my muscles relax all at once...my body giving into the moment and feeling the thrill and excitement of finally getting that chance to kiss one of my biggest boy idols EVER...and having him enjoy it just as much as I was.
Our lips moved and slid against each other, and it wasn't long before I felt Chandler's tongue enter my mouth...lapping against my own as he pressed himself into me and our erections touched, shamelessly, as I found the courage to reach up and allow my fingers to thread themselves through the chestnut brown strands of his soft hair...sensually making out with him in ways that even my wildest and most explicit wet dreams could ever imagine. He's kissing me. Chandler fucking Riggs is actually KISSING me right now!!!
But...Greyson...
That was all I could think about. The time we spent together. The laughs we shared. They way he could make my heart beat so hard and send my emotions into an endless spiral of chaotic tantrums...just from having him flash that angelic smile at me from a distance. I just...I didn't know what to do, ok? I really didn't.
Chandler and I got even closer, and our kissing was becoming more passionate by the second. His lips were sooooo supple and soft. You have no idea! Having his tongue slide all around mine was one of the most erotic things that I've ever experienced in my life. And this would have been mind-blowing with any boy...trust me! But the fact that it was Chandler...it just caused every lustful cluster of synapses in my brain to fire off all at once with ten times the energy that they usually would have with anybody else.
Well...anybody other than Greyson.
My dear, sweet, Greyson.
I should stop. I need to stop. But he tastes so good, though! Ok...just...we'll make out for a few more seconds, and then I'll stop! Just...like...yeah. Ok. Five...four...three...two...
Mmmm...his tongue is so wet. Omigod, he's gripping my butt now! I should...wow...I need to just...
God, I'm soooo HARD right now!
STOP, Evan! Knock it off! You're better than this!
Three...two...one...annnnd...stop! Ok, not yet! Alright now! Stop kissing him! Seriously! Stop making out with Chandler Riggs! Knock it off! Stop! Three...ummmm...no wait...mmmm...ok...
Three...two...
Wait, that's too fast. Let me start over.
Three...ummm...three...two...
Hold on, maybe I should start from five. Five would be better! God he's warm. Warm and slim and sexy and cute...
Ok, here we go...
FIVE...four...three...two...one! Annnnd stop! Come on, Evan! STOP! Let go of him! Think of Greyson! Don't do this. STOP!
Finally, I was able to part my lips from his, and I found myself able to breathe again. Thank goodness for the wall behind me...because I doubt my wobbly legs would have been strong enough to keep me standing up if I didn't have something to lean against in that moment. Honestly, when our lips first disconnected...I half expected to see a puff of steamy vapor leave my mouth with the first exhalation. Chandler is a REALLY good kisser! It was extremely hard to pull away from him.
"Hey..." He grinned, staring deeply into my eyes. "Come here. Let's get comfortable."
"Chandler...all of this is really great, I just...I don't know if I..."
But he just pulled me over to the bed and sat down on the mattress, pulling me on top of him. "Shhhh, it's ok. Seriously. It's fine."
I could feel my weight on him, his rigid boyhood pressed up against mine, and he began to tongue kiss me again while pulling me down further to crush his lithe teen body into the cushion while I fought to regain my sanity.
The temptation in my loins began to override my sense of decency...telling me that it would be ok if I did this just once. ONE time. Making excuses like, 'It wouldn't be that bad, right?' Or 'I'll just get it out of my system and then I'll be done with it.' Or 'Greyson would totally understand! I mean, he thinks Chandler is cute too. He might even high five me for scoring such a high profile piece of ass'. I mean...all of that is possible, right? Or...I mean, it's not like he ever has to know about it. Not if I don't tell him. I could easily blow my heated load into Chandler's tight, clenched, hole right here, right now while spasming with euphoric release, and Greyson will never know. So why not? I mean...come on! I've been dreaming about this my whole LIFE! I just want him so badly right now!
But...the more I tried to give myself over to the lewd and lecherous desires inside...the rattled explosion of teen hormone filth and desperate need for instant gratification...
...The more I felt insanely guilty about it all.
It SUCKS...because I really REALLY wanted this, dammit!!! I'm right here in a private trailer with an opportunity to deeply fuck Chandler Riggs until I cum hard enough to paralyze me from the waist down! But...instead...
"Chandler?" I said. "I'm...I'm sorry, but..."
"What? What is it? It's ok. Nobody's going to find us out here. They won't even come looking." He said, his cute voice making it even harder for me to keep from lowering myself down to start kissing him again.
"I know. But that's not it. I think I should...that we should...stop. You know?" He sort of ignored me at first, his fingers now sliding up and down the length of my hardness...my body betraying me by exposing my secret cravings with the throb and pulse of spontaneous arousal. But...even though it felt good to have him touch me, I made sure to speak up a little bit louder this time. "Chandler...? Seriously."
He seemed a bit confused as he stopped kissing my neck and took his hand away from my lap. "Is this about me and Asa? Because I already told you...we have an arrangement about stuff like this. It's not like he's going to get jealous or anything if you and I fool around for a little while. Heh...if anything, he's probably going to encourage it so he can get a taste too. I know he likes you just as much as I do..."
Does he? Jesus!
"Yeah, I know that you guys are...not really exclusive with this sort of thing. And I get it. No judgements there. Honest, ok?" I said. "I just...I don't think that my heart is cut from the same cloth. You know? I'm just...not as 'in to this' as I wish I was." Then I straightened up and told Chandler, "NOT that this has anything to do with YOU or whatever. Because you're...you're like...wow. I've always dreamed about getting a chance to be here with you like this, and...it's more incredible than I ever could have imagined it would be. Under different circumstances...I'd be fully naked and well on my way to exploding all over you right now." Geez, I hope that didn't sound as weird as it sounded when I said the words out loud and thought about it for a second or two. "But I...well, I think that I might have..."
Chandler's eyes brightened up a bit, and he gave me the sweetest smile. "...You've fallen in love." He whimpered.
"I don't know. Maybe..."
It almost looked like he was getting an emotional lump in his throat. "Greyson Chance?"
I still didn't know if it was cool to 'out' him without his permission...but in that moment, I was really proud to be able to say that he was mine. And that I was his. So, I sort of nodded with a deep blush, saying, "Yeah. We're sort of...together."
Chandler's smile got even wider, and he said, "Dude, that's awesome. Really awesome. I get it. He's a top notch cutie, for sure. I can see you wanting to hold on to something like that." It was then that Chandler scooted back a bit on the trailer mattress, and leaned back on his elbows with his legs spread. His jeans folding in all the right places. It still amazes me how he can look so damn yummy, like...ALL the time. "You are really smitten with him, aren't you?"
Blushing, I smirked and said, "Yeah. I mean...it's not really something that I ever could have planned for ahead of time, but...there's just something about him that throws everything all out of whack for me. It's like, I can't stop thinking about him. Greyson is so...he's soooo..."
I was at a loss for words, that warm, melted butter feeling pouring over me as thoughts of Greyson's kiss flooded my thoughts. Luckily, Chandler knew the feeling well enough to fill in the blanks for me. "He's your sunshine on a rainy day. I get it. Hehehe, that's awesome." I nodded in agreement, wondering if I was being corny or something. Also wondering if my rejection of his advances was going to be something that I was going to regret in the future. I mean, it's not like any other gay teen boys would ever get the chance to be in this position. Sitting on a bed in some private getaway with a horny teen idol gazing into his eyes with his legs splayed and a hard pack of six juicy inches just waiting for me to pleasure it while he moaned my name in ecstasy. But...something just wouldn't allow me to cheat on him. Even if I wanted to use the prestige of it being Chandler Riggs or the excuse of simply having a moment of weakness...deep down, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't give this whole 'first boyfriend' thing my best shot. You know?
"It probably sounds silly to you, doesn't it?" I asked him.
"No. Not at all."
"Really?"
"Dude...having a huge crush on somebody is really fun. Having sex with them is even more fun. Hehehe! But...to actually feel like you're truly in love? That's just...it's a whole other level. Just...being able to single one person out of all the possible suitors on the planet, and feel confident in saying that he's the one you want. He's the boy that you're willing to fight for. That's crazy. We should all hope for something so chaotic in our lives. There's just something really pure about it all. Finding a relationship that just does something for your soul, you know? I'm a little jealous, to be honest."
It was my turn to be confused this time. I watched Chandler brush his long hair out of his blue eyes and said, "What the heck would you have to be jealous about? You can walk out of this trailer right now and have fanboys and fangirls lining up for the chance to do all types of naughty things to you right here in this trailer."
"All except for you, you mean?" He giggled.
"That's different. Hehehe!"
"Exactly." He said. "It is different." He sat up again, and said, "At the end of the day, I'm searching for the same thing that you are. Someone special, you know? I want to have that same...like...burst of joy whenever he crosses my mind. A lot of people never really get that. It's a lot more rare than you might think it is. But it's pretty awesome when you find it. It really is."
Chandler sighed to himself, and after a brief pause between us, I felt a little hesitant to ask..."But...you have Asa, right? I mean, you guys looked pretty happy together. At least to me you did."
"Oh sure! Don't get me wrong...Asa and I have a lot of great times with one another, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. We both care for each other deeply, and every moment that we can spend together, we make sure to make the most of it. Plus...hehehe, the sex is outrageous! That boy does things to me that I doubt anybody else ever could. So, it's not like I'm missing out on too much when it comes to having a boyfriend."
"Oh. Ok." I said.
"But...there are still times when...I wish we could be together more. Or...more together. If that makes any sense."
"Yeah. I think it does."
"You know...I used to dream about him too. Asa Butterfield. Every time I saw one of his movies in the store, I had to buy it right away. Just so I could watch it over and over again, and picture him naked while trying hard not to drool all over myself in the process of rubbing one out. Hehehe, that boy was responsible for some seriously intense orgasms before we ever even met, much less started coming out here to this trailer to do it for real."
"So...I guess you were in love too, then." I smiled.
But he paused. "Heavily infatuated, maybe. And I still am. Hehehe, he's so hot. And he takes good care of me, if you know what I mean."
"But...he's not 'the one', huh?"
"Well, that's to be determined at a later date. It's not really a conversation that we found it necessary to have just yet." Chandler told me. "But, for now...I guess I was looking at him the way you were looking at me. An idol that I really wanted to be with more than anything in the world, no questions asked. And I got lucky enough to have my dream come true. I'm just not exactly sure where things will go from here. It'll be cool to find out though."
It seemed so weird to me to think of Chandler really having any doubts as to how to captivate the heart of another boy. Especially one that's already showed him some serious interest in every way that he could ever possibly hope for. Then again...he's right. The whole idea of finding love, finding the love you've always wanted to give to someone else reflected in the heart of one other boy who's willing to return it back to you, full force...? I can't imagine that there could be another feeling in this life that could touch it. "Only time will tell where that will lead for you two then, I guess." I said.
"Well...for YOU, it led to a hard pass on my affectionate advances. Hehehe!" He teased.
"It was not a HARD pass!" I giggled back. "I just...I couldn't do it."
"Nope. No, it's totally ok. Tears are good for the soul. You totally wrecked my ego, I'll deal with it." Even Chandler couldn't keep a straight face when he said it, and we both shared a decent chuckle over it. Then he gave me an innocent little kiss on the cheek. "You've got a good heart, Evan Elliott. You really do. I'm happy for you." Then he stood up from the mattress, adjusting his hardness to angle upward so it wouldn't be so obscenely visible when we went back to the set. "But...for what it's worth...I wish I had gotten to you first."