It was going to take more than bottled water and the nervous bounce of my foot underneath one of the cast eating tables to get the idea out of my head. Much more! I mean, this shouldn't even be a dilemma, right? Do I choose a couple of incredibly hot sexually explicit romps with Chandler Riggs in an off-set trailer between takes...or longing for a lifelong romance with the one and only Greyson Chance, where we both live to see our 'happily ever after' fairy tale come to frution? It's Greyson, right? It's got to be Greyson. No question. He's the one that I want.
But...here's the problem...
I don't know what Greyson wants. Not entirely. I mean, I do...but I don't...even if I do. Does that make any sense? What happens if we're too far away to be together for long periods of time, and we try to stay true to one another...but it all crumbles to pieces after a few weeks? What happens if his next album gets really huge, and he goes on tour again. But not with Cody Simpson this time. What if he goes on tour with someone even hotter than Cody is, but he's 'available' this time...and they spend every waking moment together on the road, and on airplanes, and on stage, and in hotels, for the next six to eight months? Is he going to be so enraptured by my fifteen minute phone call that it's going to be able to compete with having sex with another really hot celebrity boy? Or one of his dancers? Or maybe just one of his loyal fans? Or, like...like...what if he goes back home, and that 'Rodney' boy that he used to be so in love with before I came along decides to give him some extra attention? That was his first dream boy ever. Should I expect him to say no to any of those scenarios? Would any of that be fair?
It's just...every time I think I'm figuring things out, some stupid problem comes along to remind me how much of a virgin I am about this relationship stuff. If 'relationship' is even the right word for me to use right now. And if I say no to Chandler...and Greyson says no to me...then that just leaves me. Standing out in the cold. All alone. Heartbroken over the much better choices that I could have made when I had the chance.
Thinking about this makes my head hurt. I should call Greyson up. Just because. I know that it's early, but I just...maybe if I hear his voice...maybe if I can feel the uplifting tone of his boyish charm and his bathe in his enthusiastic sweetness for a little while...it'll give me strength, you know? I just...I should call. I'm going to call...
"Hey!" Came a voice over my shoulder, just as I was digging around in my pockets for my phone. Chandler had already come out of hair and makeup, looking 'fashionably' disheveled, with his hair hanging down and some deep smudges on his face and the sides of his neck. He was wearing the hat, but took it off when he sat down beside me. How long had I been sitting there? He must have been in that trailer for at least forty five minutes or more to get all set up. "What's going on? Why are you looking at me like that?" He grinned.
"Huh? Oh...no reason. I guess, I was just a little lost in my thoughts. That's all." I said.
"Lost in a good way, or a bad way?"
Jesus, his eyes are beautiful. "I don't think I know just yet. Heh..." My intention was to lighten the mood a bit, or maybe just to relieve some of that shaky tension in my gut...but that little laugh and smile of mine only made me more nervous in the long run. Especially when a few strands of Chandler's hair sort of slid forward to cover his eyes, and he smiled back at me. Did it sound like I was flirting? I was NOT trying to be flirtatious! I SWEAR! It just...it sounded like that because...arrrgh! I need to call Greyson!
"So cute..." Chandler said, and he brushed his hair back with his hand, actually displaying a bit of a blush in his cheeks. "Say, I've gotta head on over to wardrobe. You wanna come? I need something pretty to look at to beat the boredom."
He really needs to stop saying things like that to me. My heart has a highly unnatural reaction to that shit. "Well...I mean, don't I have to go and...do the thing for hair and dirt and all that?"
"Yeah, but Norman's going in next. That takes extra work on their part." Chandler said. "Have you ever actually seen Norman Reedus without the post-apocalyptic makeup on? Dude, he's like an angel that fell to Earth for the sole purpose of snatching up a modeling contract. They're gonna be in there for a while, trying to make him look even remotely dirty. Trust me. Hehehe!" He said. "You saw his son, Mingus. That apple didn't fall from the tree at all. We've got time. Come on." Chandler stood up, pressuring me to walk with him. "C'mon, Evan...keep me company."
What was I going to say? No? It's Chandler Riggs. My teen boy hormones would have turned into a corrosive acid and eaten me alive if I had the stones to say no to an offer like that. "O-o-ok..." I got up, making sure that everything was, ummm...properly 'tucked away' so I wasn't walking around with an obvious semi in my pants on set. not that it didn't feel incredibly awkward, regardless.
You see? This is exactly what I was talking about. I'm in love with Greyson Chance! Greyson Chance! How long will it be before somebody sits down next to him somewhere and smiles in his direction? A couple of weeks? A couple of days? Hell, it could be happening right NOW for all I know. Is he going to have the same moment of weakness with them that I'm having right now? Because I'm seriously squirming like I have a belly full of earthworms right now...and I, honestly, can't say that it feels all that bad.
I'm so ashamed of myself. I shouldn't be doing this. I'm better than this, aren't I? It's not like it's not totally transparent...what he's trying to do to me. I'm not an idiot. I'm just...extremely horny. Like, all the time. ALL...THE...TIME!!!
As we started taking the considerably long walk towards the wardrobe trailer, Chandler put his hat back on and waved at some of the fans that showed up early to get a good spot to see us filming our scenes for the day. Lots of teen and preteen girls were there too, practically doubling over at the very sight of him. The amount of sighs and squeals that came from them all at once when Chandler waved and smiled at them should have been enough to blow the hat right off of his head. Hehehe, so many admirers.
"Carl!!! Carl!!! 'Corrral'!!!" The shouted, and he blushed a little harder, making me giggle from the sight of it. It was actually really cute. He was doing his best to be nice and engage the small crowd, but I could tell that he was still kind of shy about the overwhelming flood of attention. Awww, he really is a sweetheart when he wants to be. Then again, I always assumed that he would be. Even before the first time I ever talked to him. I don't know, Chandler just has that 'best friend next door' aura about him. It's emotionally soothing in a way that I doubt most people can recognize or understand. It just makes you feel good, you know?
We were almost at the door of the wardrobe trailer, and some of the newest extras for today's shoot were coming our way. They might only work for a day or two, and the studio just hires them to be in the background of the rest of the show to make the town look 'inhabited', but they were just as important to the production as anybody else. They didn't have to do any acting or have any speaking lines, just a necessary part of the filming process. It was mostly people who took a day off from work or school to pocket a quick check, all while gaining the prestige of saying that they got to be seen on TV. But, as we were stepping aside to let them pass us up...there was this one girl that was staring at us, and she smiled widely to reveal a bright and shiny set of silver braces.
She suddenly cut through the crowd, nervous and trembling...and came over to stand right in front of us, giggling madly as she fought off the weakness in her knees. "Omigod! I can't believe this! Hi!" She said, struggling to control the volume of her voice. Even if her excitement seemed to be bubbling over like the fizz of a freshly shaken soda. "I just...wow! Hehehehehehehe...ummm...hi!" Chandler and I both returned the greeting with a smile. Awww, she was shaking so bad! "I hate to ask you this, but...I mean...omigod...can I have your autograph? My friends back home would totally DIE if I got your autograph!"
I sort of took that as my cue to back up and let Chandler do his thing. I'm sure he gets this a lot. Especially from girls our age. "Sorry, dude. Go ahead." I took a step or two backwards, but the girl gave me a strange look. One that I think left both me and her confused. "What?" I asked.
With a giggle, Chandler smiled and said, "I think she's talking to you, dude."
I sort of froze up for a moment, trying to make sense of the whole situation. It was almost as if my brain couldn't fully process what was going on here. Why would she want my autograph? I'm nobody special. I said, "But...but you're looking for...? I don't get it..."
"You're Evan Elliott, right?" She said.
"Cool!" She grinned. "I saw your article in Entertainment Weekly. You're soooo cute! When my friends and I found out you were gonna be on 'The Walking Dead', we totally lost it! So cool!"
Then she handed me the magazine that she was carrying with her, and opened it up to the page where I had taken, like, ONE picture and talked about starting my acting career. I barely remember the day that it happened. But the short time being interviewed for it that I had obviously taken for granted meant a lot to her. So, when she handed me a thin sharpie to sign it for her...how could I say no?
"My name's Meagan..." She said with a trembling voice.
I started blushing so hard! I've never actually done this before. It was...ummm...kind of cool, to be honest. Hehehe! What do I say? This is so weird!
I asked her how to spell her name correctly, and Chandler was watching me with a smile the whole time as I tried to figure out how to do this sort of thing on the fly. Ummm...ok, I think I got it.
'To Meagan, thanks for being a fan! Love you too! Evan Elliott'
Did that look right? Was that ok? I used a permanent sharpie to mark up her book, so it's too late to take it back now. Wow...I can't believe I just did that.
I nervously handed it back to her, watching her face to see if I screwed it up or not. Her eyes widened and she smiled with her mouth wide open! Her knees dipped like she was almost ready to fall over, and she said, "OMIGOD!!!! I can't believe this is happening right now! I love you so much! Ahhhhh! Can I give you a hug? Please?"
"Ummm, yeah. Ok." I said, and she lunged forward to hug me tight around the neck. She was, literally, trembling in my arms. The amount of love that was pouring out of her at that moment was almost too much fangirl energy for me to handle all at once like that. So overwhelming.
She started to have trouble breathing, and eventually let me go...but the ego boost that she left me with lingered, regardless. People began to call her to set, but she was quick to take her phone out and stand next to me so we could take a selfie together. "Wait, wait...just one more! Please?" I agreed, and this time...I don't know what made me do it, but I leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek for the second pic. Hehehe, she just about melted when I did that. And even though she had to run off, she kept her eyes on me and waved and blew me kisses and did her best to keep from screaming out loud as she walked backwards towards her station to get ready for lighting and blocking instructions. Meagan was such a sweetheart. And it made me feel good to know that I was able to excite her to that degree by doing something as simple as writing my name and a short message on a piece of paper for her. Is this what celebrities do? I mean...do they feel this...exhilarating sense of joy from the autographs that they sign for people? If so...I could do this all day! My happy endorphins have never been this crazy before! Hehehe!
I'm almost ashamed of how happy I am right now!
"It's a rush, isn't it?" Chandler said, snapping me out of my delusion and turning my head to see him giggling at my reaction. "Was that your first time?"
"My...? Oh..the autograph thing? Yeah. Heh, I never thought anybody would ever do that, you know?" Then I asked, "Is that weird? I mean, do you feel weird when people treat you like...a star?"
"It takes some getting used to. Because they see something in you that you can't really see." He said. "But you get used to it over time. Just, never get wrapped up in your own hype. Just keep being the down to earth person that you've always been, and appreciate the people who appreciate you. You'll get the hang of it soon enough."
"I'll have to take your word on that." I giggled, and felt a little shiver run up my spine, making me wiggle a bit to shake it off. "Hehehe, I can't even imagine how you live like this all the time. It's so...like, I mean...it's so..."
"There aren't words for it. Don't even try." He said. "Just enjoy it for all it's worth."
"A complete stranger thinks I'm awesome. Like...for no reason at all. I can't stop smiling now! Hehehe!"
Chandler took a hold of my hand, and he was like, "Come here. Just for a second." I was feeling so good inside that I didn't offer any resistance to his silky touch at all. He pulled me to the side of the wardrobe trailer, and I was so lost in my big 'famous moment' that I barely noticed him looking around to see who was watching us. And then, while I was still smiling to myself...Chandler Riggs leaned in to gently kiss me on the lips.
This is the moment where there's a harsh scratch on the DJ's record and the whole party comes to a stop! What the fuck just happened???
Suddenly trapped in a frozen moment of instantaneous shock, I just stared at him...speechless. Jesus...his eyes are SO blue!
I fought to find the words to communicate, but I barely had the breath to speak them aloud, even if I could. It was hard to think. The blood drained down from my brain and flooded my pants, getting me hard as a rock in a matter of seconds.
"Hehehe, sorry..." Chandler said. "Seeing you blush like that? You were just TOO cute for me to resist. I think you and me need to find some time to be alone today. I'm serious. I'm developing the biggest crush on you, Evan. Hehehe! I'm feeling a little...'worked up' here."
Still breathless, I said, "Chandler...I...I don't know about this. I want to, but I don't think..."
"Exactly! Don't think. Just...look, we'll go into wardrobe, get everything together...and then we make separate excuses to disappear for a little while. There's nothing to think about." He lightly took a hold of my hand, and he guided it to the stiff bulge in the front of his pants. "It's ok. Feel it? Go ahead...grab it. That's how badly I want you, right now? Hehehe, wouldn't it be awesome if we could just...take care of this in private...'together'?"
There are moments when the promise of instant gratification causes your mind to go completely blank. When common sense gets tossed out of the window, when consequences become tomorrorw's problems, and your brain starts to search through an entire rolodex of stupid excuses that you can use to possibly get what what you want in the moment and still hold on to what you want in your future. Mental gymnastics that make you think that you can always win one hundred percent of the time without ever having to sacrifice anything or even make a difficult decision in your life. An 'easy' way of experiencing Heaven on Earth.
But that's not reality, is it?
We all WANT it to be...but we can't have it all. None of us can ever have it all. Not without losing something.
I'll admit, I felt Chandler's hardness in his jeans, and I even closed my fingers around the denim covered shaft, feeling it throb as I finally got to touch his aroused length in ways that I had only dreamed about before that very moment. He was sooooo hard. And getting even harder as I held it in my hand. I peeked over my shoulder to make sure that nobody was walking by or could catch us having such a naughty moment between us...but we appeared to be pretty much alone. So...I mean...I did it. I felt Chandler up a little bit, giving his inches a few slow strokes as my breath got short and I felt him lean forward to lightly kiss me on the lips again.
But...I was conflicted. Fractured in a way that I knew wasn't right. There was a part of me that was so amped up over the fact that a girl on the set had actually asked me for my autograph, that I felt like I was fully entitled to take an opportunity like this and finish off this emotional orgasm of being special and appreciated by one of my all time favorite idols. I could do it. Right now. I could be sucking Chandler Riggs off in an empty trailer ten minutes from now...or maybe even sinking this pulsing shaft deep into his tight hole with his legs dangling over my shoulders, all while we breathlessly moan in ecstasy...savoring the sexual pleasure for as long as we could while we impatiently anticipated the inevitable explosion of lust filled teen semen. On him. IN him. To say that it was tempting would be the understatement of my lifetime.
When I had that autograph moment...the very first thought to enter my mind was..."I can't wait to tell Greyson about this!!!"
Shouldn't that tell me something?
"So, what's up?" Chandler asked me, now reaching out to feel the hardness in my pants as well. "Are we gonna make this a date, or what?"
I don't know...should I?