Once we were alone, the doctor advised me Jesse seemed to be fine, other than being slightly malnourished. He added that he also wanted to order some blood work and schedule an MRI, to check out Jesse’s vocal chords, just to make certain there wasn’t any physical basis for his lack of speech. I concurred that would be a wise precaution and agreed to take Jesse whenever he needed to complete those tests. The doctor told me he’d have his receptionist set the appointments for us and then let me know when they were scheduled, before we left today. I thought this meant we were done, but then the doctor began to speak again.
“Mr. Currie, I have a feeling this boy has been molested,” he told me. I wasn’t completely shocked.
“Why do you say that?” I asked, in order to discover the basis for his comment.
“It was the way he stiffened and pulled away from me when I went to remove his underwear,” he admitted. “Sure, some children are modest, but I don’t get that kind of reaction unless they’ve been undressed and touched before, against their will. Do you know anything about his background?”
“Only a little. I know that his stepfather verbally and emotionally abused him,” I informed him. “I’ve had my own suspicions that part of the reason for the abuse was because Jesse wouldn’t give in to some other demands his stepfather made on him.” The doctor gave me a curious look.
“Do you think you could find anything to support or prove those allegations?” the pediatrician wanted to know.
“No, I only have my suspicions, along with yours now, but no hard proof,” I acknowledged. “If Jesse could talk, maybe I could question him about it, but in his fragile state, I think it would be better to leave this alone for now.”
“I think I’d agree with that assessment,” the doctor confirmed.
Before he left, I thanked him for his concern and help, before he moved on to see his next patient. After watching the doctor walk away, I reentered the examination room, to see how Jessie was doing. He was all dressed, so I took him to the reception desk to check out. After paying our co-payment, the receptionist handed me a card with our appointment dates listed on it, both for the blood work and MRI. I thanked her and we headed back to school, to finish the rest of the day.
Later that afternoon, after we picked Andrew up from school, Andrew wanted to know every detail about what had happened. He even insisted on hearing everything the doctor had told us, just as if he was the parent. After filling him in with as much detail as I thought he should know, I sent him and Jesse off to do their homework. Both boys seemed happy now, although I could tell there was still some animosity toward me. I assumed this was due to the fact I had stuck to my guns about not letting Andrew go with us, but I think they’ll both be a little less demanding in the future.
The weekend was pretty uneventful. I left the boys to their own devices for most of the time, but I did find a chance to chat some more with Jesse. I didn’t want to confront him about the possible molestation, but I did want to find out more about his life before he came to live with us. I also asked Andrew to leave us alone while I did this, as I felt there might be some information Jesse wouldn’t want to share in front of his idol. Once we were alone, I handed Jesse a small notebook and told him he could jot his answers down in that, because these would be more than just yes or no questions. He seemed confused about what I was up to, but willingly nodded his understanding.
“Jesse, what can you tell me about your mother and where you lived?” I began. Jesse immediately started writing in the notebook and then handed it to me when he finished.
‘I love my mom. We live in an apartmint,’ it read.
“What about your stepfather?” I continued. Jesse took the notebook back from me and started to write again.
‘I not like him. He mean and nasty.’
“Why do you say that?” I asked next.
“He mean to me. He bad.’ I wasn’t going to push him any further on this, because I felt if he wanted to tell me about it, he would have done so then.
“What about your father?” I wanted to know. “What can you tell me about him?”
‘Don’t know him. He not live with us. I use to go with him sumtime. He ded now.’ I guess that explains a few things too.
“Where did your mother meet your stepfather?” I followed up.
‘Not know,’ was his simple response.
“Okay, I guess that’s enough for now,” I told him, as I closed the notebook. “Why don’t you go out and find Andrew, so you can go off and play together.” He flashed me a huge grin and then disappeared. However, I had discovered a little more information about his past.
The following Monday I took Jesse for his dental cleaning and exam. He was extremely nervous as we went in and I knew the reason for it. Sunday night I’d tried to prepare him for this, but he let me know he’d heard horror stories from other children about dental exams, so he wasn’t thrilled about this visit. Once we got there, I could tell he really didn’t want to go in, so I reached out, took his hand and held it tightly. I used it to guide him into the office.
Once inside, I announced our arrival and then we took a seat. As we waited patiently to be called, I suggested to Jesse that he could play with the toys or read a book, but he didn’t budge. When we had gone to his appointment at the doctor’s office, Jesse had gone off and played, but this time he sat in the chair next to mine and leaned against me, as if he thought I would keep him safe. It was nice to see he was beginning to trust me, even if it was only out of necessity right now.
When Jesse’s name was called to go back to one of the dental rooms, Jesse snaked his hand into mine. His eyes were pleading with me, which definitely indicated he wanted me to go with him. Of course, this touched me, so I asked if I could join him. I was told I could, so he walked, hand-in-hand, with me to the examination room. Jesse also let me know he wanted me to continue to hold his left hand, even after he was seated in the dental chair and had the bib placed around his neck. Jesse squeezed my hand quite forcefully and his grip got even tighter when the hygienist asked him to open his mouth. It also happened every time she used one of the various instruments to loosen and remove the plaque from one of his teeth.
Just when I thought Jesse might be starting to relax, the hygienist picked up the drill, equipped with the special fitting to apply the fluoride coating to his teeth. When Jesse heard the whirring sound and the hygienist made a sudden movement toward his mouth, he almost leaped out of the chair. If I hadn’t been holding his hand, he might have tried to run for it. I believe he did this because he thought something painful was about to happen next. After I reassured him that nothing of that nature was going to happen, he began to relax, but only slightly, and leaned back in the chair. Although he still wasn’t totally relaxed, Jesse did let the hygienist continue.
Once she had finished cleaning his teeth, the dentist came in to conduct his part of the examination. As he checked Jesse’s teeth, he called off the problems that he noted, so the hygienist could jot them down on the chart. Once he had completed this process, I was informed that Jesse had several cavities that would need to be taken care of. The dentist told me it appeared as if Jesse had no previous dental care, his diet had been lacking and he obviously had not been taught proper brushing techniques. I assured him we’d work on that and then we set up appointments to take care of his cavities.
Before we left the room, the hygienist gave Jesse a new toothbrush and quickly demonstrated how he should use it, on a model. Jesse promised he would do that from now on, so she kissed him on the cheek before he left. That was the first time I saw Jesse blush.
That afternoon, after we got home from school, the high school boys told me they had met with their principal about the gay-straight alliance and thought things went well. They asked if I wanted to see copies of what they gave him, but I explained it would be best if they didn’t show me those items yet. This way I would be able to listen to the principal’s recommendation without getting bored or jumping ahead of him. They were disappointed that I didn’t want to see it yet, but said they understood, so we left it at that.
The next day was April 10th, and I woke up feeling very depressed. It wasn’t a surprise and I knew why I felt this way. I’d been dreading this day for a while, because it was Nicky’s ninth birthday. I had been missing my grandchildren more and more every week, and although Jordan’s birthday had been hard for me to endure, because this was the second grandchild’s birthday I’d missed, it was even worse.
Prior to my older children delivering their ultimatum, I had never failed to at least talk to my grandchildren on their birthdays. However, since that time, there had been no contact with them - at all! I couldn’t explain the pain I felt, since I’d been cut completely out of their lives, but until my older children change their stance about my lifestyle and sexual preference, I’ll have to live with it.
Actually, my older children are probably counting on the fact that I won’t be able to endure being separated from them and my grandchildren. I’ll bet they think I’ll give Jake up, rather than face that possibility for any length of time. The thing is, I have to be happy too, and that won’t be with my older children dictating whom I can be with or having them trying to change anything else about me that they disagree with.
On the other end of the spectrum, April 27th, would be Dustin’s twenty-first birthday and I really wanted to make a big deal over it. However, that wasn’t to be. Seeing he was away at college, we wouldn’t be able to celebrate his birthday as a family on that day, but I would call him to see what he would like to do. No matter what he tells me, I will call and speak with him the weekend before his birthday, and again on Tuesday evening, so I can at least wish him a very happy birthday.
Since this was a ‘milestone’ birthday for Dustin (you don’t become ‘totally legal’ every year), I wanted to have a big party for him after he came home for the summer. I would invite the entire family to attend and we would turn it into a big celebration. I just wish I could do similar things for my grandchildren, or at least attend the parties that WERE held for them.
Later that week, I took Jesse for his eye exam. Once again, he was a little nervous about doing something he’d never done before, but since nothing bad had happened to him on his other appointments, he trusted me again. I had been surprised to learn that Jesse had never had his eyes checked, except for possibly reading the eye chart during his school physical, so this would be a novelty for him.
Jesse seemed immediately intrigued when the optometrist positioned the machine with the lenses in front of his eyes. He looked at me, to see my reaction first, and then he looked into the eyepieces. Watching his reaction, I think he might have thought he’d possibly see a movie or something through them. The optometrist did have to change how he normally did things, due to Jesse’s inability to speak, so he informed Jesse that he would have to hold up one or two fingers, to indicate whether the first or second image looked clearer to him. After a short trial period, when he gave Jesse the opportunity to practice what was expected of him, the examination began in earnest.
I could tell that Jesse was trying very hard to do what was asked of him. I wasn’t sure if he was doing this because he thought he had to or if he was trying to please the optometrist or even me. Whatever the case, he did an admirable job and everything went quite smoothly, even after the optometrist added the drops to his eyes. Once the process was completed, Jesse and I were told that his eyes were fine and he would not need glasses. Jesse seemed relieved to hear this news and was in a very good mood as we made our way home. Once we were in the van, he continually looked over at me and smiled, although I wasn’t sure what he was thinking at the time. When we reached home, he raced off to find his sidekick, Andrew.
Later that evening, I was sitting in my chair in the living room, watching television, when my two little imps entered the room. They walked straight up to me and wiggled their way onto my lap, one on each side. I wasn’t sure what they were up to, but I was fairly certain Andrew was orchestrating what was going on.
“Jesse thinks you’re really nice, daddy,” Andrew announced, out of nowhere. I looked him in the face, and then turned to face Jesse, while wondering where this was heading.
“Even after I wouldn’t let you go with us to his appointments?” I wondered aloud, which caused Andrew to giggle and Jesse to turn red.
“You probably know he was mad at you at first,” he informed me.
“Yes, I think the stomping around and the dirty looks gave that away,” I responded, which caused Andrew to giggle again and Jesse to turn a darker shade of red.
“Well, he was really mad at you then,” Andrew admitted, “but now he says you’re a really nice guy. Much nicer than his stepfather.”
I was wondering if I should follow up on that, but I didn’t think this was the right time, so I let it slide. If he was beginning to feel comfortable with me, I didn’t want to risk losing that advantage by dredging up what could be some very painful memories. No, I decided to gain his confidence and love first, and then we’d try to heal the emotional and psychological scars sometime down the road. Those issues didn’t seem to be as urgent now, seeing he no longer had any contact with his stepfather.
“Well, I’m glad Jesse feels that way,” I finally responded, “because I love having him as a member of our family.” That’s all it took to cause Jesse to spin in my lap, throw his arms around my neck and begin to hug me. This showed me he loved being part of our family too. Before I had time to respond, Andrew was wrapped around both of us and I heard him whisper into my ear.
“Thank you, daddy. I… we love you so much.” How could it get any better than this?
Later in the week, I had a meeting with the high school principal. It was our regularly scheduled meeting, which we held once every other week, so he could inform me about whatever was happening at his school. I guess that’s why I never gave it any special importance, because it was just our typical meeting, until he mentioned he had received a petition to start a gay-straight alliance. He advised me that after going over the relevant information, he was passing along his recommendation.
“I think you probably knew about this in advance,” he added, coyly, “but I’ve been impressed with the effort your sons have put into it and the work they’ve done. They’ve gathered enough support and have developed a viable plan, so I am recommending it be approved.”
“I am glad you’re pleased with their effort,” I told him, “but I have had nothing to do with it. I’ve asked them not to tell or show me anything, so I could judge this solely on its merits and your recommendation, rather than be persuaded by my sympathies as a father.”
“So, you haven’t seen their proposal?” he asked, incredulously.
“No, nothing,” I confirmed.
“Then let me show it to you,” he offered. “I’m sure you will be as impressed by it as I was.” He reached into a manila folder he was carrying and then handed a batch of papers across to me. I took them and began to look everything over.
Proposal for Forming a Gay-Straight Alliance Club.
Mission statement: This club is being formed to increase awareness about sexuality issues in the high school and provide a social, emotional and educational support group for the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning students. Another goal is to bring a greater understanding between those groups and the straight population. This group will also act as an educational liaison for providing materials and leading discussions to increase the awareness on issues concerning the various populations.
Vision statement: We envision a community that accepts, affirms and supports all people, without regards to their race, religion, socio-economic grouping, political affiliation, sexual preference or gender identity.
Proposed list of activities:
*Presentations from professionals explaining the nature of sexual preferences.
*Presentations from law enforcement professionals about sexually oriented hate crimes and how to prevent them.
*Discussions about the extension of marriage rights.
*Discussion concerning AIDS – prevention, awareness and impact on the world’s population, not just the gay community.
*Arrange for confidential and free AIDS testing for any interested students.
*Hold social events where students may come and participate, without having to pretend to be other than who they are or be afraid for their personal safety while in attendance.
*Discuss current events relating to issues of sexual identity, sexual orientation, sexual health or sexually related crimes.
Behind this page were five pages of student signatures, in support of starting such a club. He was right, it was a remarkable presentation and I was even more impressed that my boys had been the ones to do the work.
“It looks fine to me,” I advised him, “so if it has your support, then it also has mine. I will present it to the school board at their next meeting, for their formal approval. By the way, I’ll let you inform the boys that this will be presented to the school board. I haven’t helped them with it so far, so I don’t think I should be the one to give them this news either.” The principal just grinned and nodded. He understood what I meant, and since we had covered everything else, he left. I was happy he believed the gay-straight alliance had merit and was willing to support its formation.
When I arrived home, later that evening, the high school boys were all excited because the principal had informed them their proposal would be presented at the next school board meeting for approval.
“Thanks, Pop,” Nick told me. “We knew you’d come through for us,” he added.
“Hey, I had very little to do with this,” I advised him. “If your principal hadn’t recommended it on its own merits, I wouldn’t be presenting it to the school board. You boys did the work and made the presentation, and I must admit I was very impressed when I saw it. You did an excellent job.” Nick blushed, and it was one of the few times I’d ever seen him do that.
“Thanks, Pop,” Nick finally mumbled. “That means a lot to me.”
We went on to discuss the proposal and he explained to me in detail about how he and the others had developed their plan. After doing some research on the Internet and looking at sites of other gay-alliance groups, they combined ideas and came up with their own unique proposal. They did the same with the proposed activities, by modifying or adding to various events they saw suggested on those other sites. No matter how they came up with their information, they had done their homework and will be the ones to reap the rewards, once the gay-straight alliance is formally approved.
That Sunday, I called Dustin, just as I had planned.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Dustin. It’s Dad.”
“Hi, Dad. What’s up?”
“I was calling about your birthday,” I told him. “I was wondering if you’d like me to come up and take you out to dinner that night?” I explained.
“Gee, Dad, that would be awfully nice of you, but it’s too far for you to drive in one night, just to take me out to dinner. Maybe we could do it on the weekend instead.”
“Yes, we could do that,” I told him. “That way I could even bring your brothers along, if you can stand to have them around.” Dustin laughed.
“Oh, I think I can handle that,” he added.
“Okay, what do you say we come up next Saturday, go out to dinner together Saturday night and then we’ll go to church and brunch Sunday morning, before I drive the rest of us back.”
“That sounds nice, Dad, but won’t it cost too much for you to all stay up here overnight?”
“Nah, it won’t be that bad,” I advised him. “There aren’t many boys home any more, so there will only be a handful coming with Jake and me. I’m sure they’ll enjoy it and we probably can get away with only three rooms now.” I heard Dustin laugh again.
“Yeah, that’s not bad,” he added, “for a team or a scout troop.”
“Well, if you and the other college boys were with us, I’d have to add double that number,” I teased back, indicating that eight of the others wouldn’t be there this time.”
“Okay, that sounds good, I’ll see you Saturday then,” he agreed.
“Great. By the way, how’s the Suburban? Put any dents in it yet?” I teased.
“Oh, come on, Dad. You know I’m a better driver than that,” he whined.
“I know, but I just have to be sure. You know, it’s a father’s job to worry about his boys… and his vehicles,” I added.
“I know and you do a good job of it,” he joked back. “But don’t worry, it’s in the same shape as when you gave it to me.”
“I was sure it would be, but it didn’t hurt to ask,” I kidded again. “Dustin, I’ll see you next Saturday, so prepare whomever you have to about your brothers being with me.” He laughed again.
“Good idea, and I will. Dad, thanks for doing this. I’m so glad I got to come live with you,” he said.
“Me too,” I countered. “You’ve always been a great son and you’ve always been a pleasure to be around. See you this weekend then. Bye and I love you.”
“Bye, Dad, and I love you too,” Dustin stated, before we ended the call.