Another stretch of my life started when I reached the 7th grade. Much up to this point was just that of me being the kid I was, but beyond things started changing, including me - physically, mentally, emotionally - all the things that young teens go through at some point when they're entering puberty. I say physically because, like most of the kids I was growing with in my class, our voices were changing, and their physical appearance was all but unnoticeable. They were getting taller, their arms and legs were filling out and growing more hair, and their bodies were becoming stronger, more muscular. Although for a few of us it would not happen for another year or more, several in my class started these changes early. Even those of us who were slower to change, there were still subtle things you could still pick up on. Our attitudes, our emotions - everything. All of us were growing up, transitioning from that "kid" state and advancing into something more.
For me, however, it was different. To say I was a late bloomer, physically, was an understatement. When I was 10 to 11, I did grow a little in height, sort of following the others at first - but then I flat stopped. It's like I started developing, and someone just pulled the plug - you know, turned off the switch. At first, I didn't mind it that much, but after a while it was depressing, being the small and skinny runt to start with, and watching the others overtake me. Being smaller had both advantages and disadvantages for anyone, but remember - I was the bookworm; I didn't get into cars, or hunting and fishing like the other guys. If ever there was a person who could be the least noticed for being the type of individual I was, I definitely took the prize. I think part of it was because most kids, at least for boys, had Dad's or uncles around them who sort of instilled those types of things, like passing a heritage or something. I didn't have that. Sure, my Dad came down and took me fishing sometimes out on the lake, and it was kind of nice. For the most part though, he lived in southern Wisconsin, which to me felt like a zillion miles away, and his visits were not a regular thing. I will say though, he never faltered on visiting with me, and there were many times he paid for me to fly from Louisville to Madison, on my own, just so I could come up and spend a week with him. That happened usually a couple of times throughout the year, and the visits were not just something to move me from place A to place B. When I was there, we did a LOT of things together: bowling, shooting pool, eating out, movies - a LOT of things, really. He spent the time, at least most of it, with ME. Not his job or other places - it was with ME. See what I mean?
Still, I did miss out on some of those other type of father-son, male-bonding moments, I guess. The school's FFA held nothing for me in interest, mostly because becoming a Future Farmer of America just, well, wasn't in my future. Thankfully though, neither were things like FHA (Future Homemakers of America) or other girl-like organizations and classes. I only belonged to one club, an Honor Roll Club, which eventually became our school's Beta club. It was a club for kids who kept a B-average or better in their overall grades, which mine fell easily into that range by then. Mind you, they were not perfect; I did have trouble at times - a lot of trouble, believe it or not - with classes like English and social studies. Yeah, English - and here I am writing, and loving it for that matter! It was (and still is) often one of my hardest subjects, though! Math, history, science - those were my best subjects, the ones I liked the most, and in the end it showed. Not exactly straight-A's there, but pretty close.
It was in the 7th grade though, that I finally let my guard down a little and came out of my shell. There was a new kid who started in school late the previous year, but no one had gotten much of a chance to know him. His name was Cody Allen J., or C.J. as some people liked to call him. He and his parents started coming to our church during the summer, and after a while I got up the nerve enough to at least say hi a few times. By the end of that summer, we started sitting next to each other during services, and that was kind of cool. We didn't really have a close relationship, not at first anyway, but being together that way was something that sort of broke the ice for us both. One day, while our moms were talking after church, I overheard my Mom casually mention that maybe Cody could come over sometime. It caught me by surprise, and I remember thinking 'Huh?'
I’m really not saying anything negative here, mind you, but it seemed odd back then. I never had friends come over, really, and I didn’t go over to their house either, remember? Anyway, Cody's Mom smiled and said 'maybe' - and it was like a whole new thump landed on my chest! The very next Sunday, a couple of weeks before school was to start, we got out of church service again and Cody's mom flagged us down. After our Mom’s talked briefly, the next thing I knew Cody was in the car and heading home with us!
Although that might sound trite and simple to some people, you have to understand the impact that had on me, at that time of my life. Cody was my first, true friend. We were not close or anything, not like we would become later, but he was far from a walking acquaintance. He was someone who seemed to be a lot like me: shy, quiet, not exactly skinny or a runt like me, but still far from pudgy or anything. Oh, and he was a little taller, yeah - but when we were together, it didn't really matter. I didn't feel like I was stretching my neck up when I looked at him or anything. He looked good - I mean, I wasn't assessing or sizing him up physically that much, other than noticing he didn't have the arms to pulverize me with. He was nothing, and I mean n-o-t-h-i-n-g, like some of the butt-ugly creeps, jocks or buzz-heads that were around school. All in all, I guess he was maybe an inch or so taller on me, but otherwise we really looked a lot alike - physically. Why would I even care, right? I guess because he didn’t intimidate me any, and that helped us when we were together. I was average looking, and he was cute, I guess. I mean that unlike me, he didn't wear glasses, and whereas my hair was brown and straight, his was a darker color - not black, but like a deep brown I guess, and crew cut. Oh wel…
That was about all I paid attention to him at that time, when it came to noticing physical things about people. Especially when it came to other guys, but it was still a lot more than I had noticed before. A few months earlier, I had watched the all-important 'Taps!' movie, and yeah, I had started being curious at least a little bit and stuff, but I also was still having those confusing feelings. Not so much like the ones where you question if you were gay or anything - but more like the ones that made you feel like it was wrong, or at least not right, to wonder about things like that. I passed all of that to the back of my head though, when Cody and I first started getting to know each another. I certainly didn't want to lose my friendship with him, and even though I admit I wondered about him, you know, underneath his clothes and stuff, I figured with us going to our church and everything, nothing would ever happen. Nothing at least, that would ever let me see him on the inside anyway. Besides, I knew at that time I was only just beginning to be curious anyway - not like some fanatic that was just waiting to prey on someone.
That Sunday we spent most of our time indoors - it had already been raining off and on all day. Going outside was out of the question - especially since he didn't have anything but his church clothes on him. I remember loaning him one of my bigger t-shirts, which he put on and wore without any sign of embarrassment or anything, which pleased me. We mostly played video games and Strategotm, one of the few board games I had that I really, really liked. Late in the day, Mom and I took him home, and to my sadness I watched him disappear inside his house as Mom backed us out of the driveway. With him gone, the rest of my evening I spent in my room listless, with no TV, no books, no anything really. I remember just sitting in my bean bag and looking out my bedroom window at the world, with a feeling of emptiness again. It had been so much fun with him there, having a real friend for a change; someone who didn't try to be all macho or anything, or brag about the stuff that guys do sometimes.
Fortunately, it wasn't the last visit he made. Although at first, he didn't come over very often when school began. We just repeated our Sunday visits about every 2-3 weeks or so, trading out and visiting each other. It was way cool, too, for me to experience going to his house. It turned out that his parents (and his older sister) were pretty strict on some things, at least more so than I had ever been exposed to. They were the type you might have called ultra-religious, I think, mostly because they took to it a lot more than what it seemed me or my Mom did. I didn’t mind it, really, but it kept me on my toes somewhat to make sure I didn’t say or do something stupid around them. Cody seemed to be more like me though, lesser so than his parents, and that made me feel a lot better about it. Within a few get togethers, I also learned that Cody had never been to anyone's house before, other than for a few cousins of his on rare occasions. When I asked why, he said it was mostly because his mom was really the overprotective type. He was shocked when, that first Sunday, she had called out to my Mom and made arrangements for the two of us that day.
That was kind of strange though, because my Mom had always been pretty free with me, giving me a lot of freedom in ways that Cody didn't get. I mean, Cody’s Mom would do some strange things sometimes, like at one point she made us wait almost a month before letting us get together again. She was always saying it wasn't a good time, or they had other plans. I didn't doubt her, but I was really disappointed, and I think Cody knew it. Ever since school began, we hung out a lot together, and then we talked sometimes. Even serious stuff, but he stayed away from subjects about his family or anything like that as much as he could. When we did talk about them any, I always got the impression he didn't understand them anymore than I did.
Some of that changed in early November of that year, though. It had not really turned that cold outside yet, being late in the fall as it was, but it was definitely cool at the foothill of the mountains. The leaves were just beginning to change, and during that particular week there was an incident in gym class on Friday. That day, it had turned brutally cold and wet outside. The gym inside was filled with a lot of loud noise from different classes and groups, all separated into different areas of the floor and involving one activity or another. Cody and I happened to end up in the same group that day, playing dodge ball on our section of the court. Because there were so many of us, we had to share the floor time, rotating teams within the groups as we played each other. Cody and I ended up on the same team, something pretty rare for then. It was near the end of 4th period, and the coach was getting ready to blow the whistle any moment and tell us all to get dressed and ready for lunch.
Before that happened though, one of the dodge balls was thrown near us, and had popped off of someone, arcing over our group where we were sitting. Our gym had these bleachers, as they were called, a matrix of long slats of wood that opened out into benches that lined the sides of the gym floor. As the ball reached the top row, it deflected and started coming back sideways, but settled in a spot near the upper corner. Cody and I were the closest, talking a little about different things, but we stopped and watched the ball soar over our heads. I got up and climbed the rows, nearing the top and intending to get the ball and toss it back down to the floor. Simple, nothing complicated, right? I bent over to retrieve it though, and started to turn around. Even to this day, I'm not sure exactly what or how it happened, but somehow my foot slipped. Instead of finishing the throw I was setting up, I went down in a tangled heap. My left foot had gone out from under me and buried itself inside the braces underneath the seats. Down I went, much to my embarrassment given the laughter coming from everyone watching me at the time. The real painful part of it though, was that I didn't go down on top of the seat, but instead twisted and caught my whole left leg in the railing. It pinched and something sharp gripped at me, making me cry out in pain.
Cody was the first to reach me, and after realizing something was going on, our coach - having missed the whole initial scene - came jogging up the seats two at a time until he was by my side. They both pulled me up and out, getting me disentangled and back onto normal footing. To say it hurt was an understatement - I could have cursed, and I mean really curse bad. How I kept from it I honestly have no clue, other than knowing coach was beside me, and I certainly didn't want a lecture from him just then. Tears actually stung my eyes as I put weight on my knee and it collapsed beneath me. Cody caught me, and was trying to help hold me up, and I noticed he was the only kid at all who was even trying to help me. Coach, on the other hand, motioned to him as he caught my other arm, and together they both practically carried me to the bottom of the benches before sitting me down gently.
After looking up at the growing crowd, Coach blew his whistle and told everyone to get dressed. Reluctantly it seemed, everyone obeyed and started breaking up and heading to the dressing rooms. Cody wasn't sure if he should leave or stay - he wanted to stay, I'm sure - and thankfully, for whatever his reason, Coach didn't seem to mind him being there. He actually enlisted Cody to help hold me steady while he assessed the damage. I looked down and saw several scratches, scars and bruises, even some bleeding from a cut going up my thigh. He examined them closely, but the most painful part was when he touched and prodded around my knee - it was excruciating, and he knew it. Frowning, I heard him swear under his breath before he retreated and stood up. He instructed Cody to go get the school nurse and bring her down to the gym, who then took off running. I was left there alone while the man attended to a couple of other students who had lagged behind, hurrying them along and away from the side show, I guess.
After a time, kids started coming back out of the dressing rooms slowly, dressed once again in their normal school clothes. Most took their place in a line, waiting to be allowed to go up to the lunch room, but others started gathering around me on the floor, not really saying much but just staring, as if I was a prize to stare at for the moment. I was mostly oblivious to them as I lay there, biting my lip and letting the sting seep away, catching my breath more and more as I fought to lie still. Soon, Cody returned with the school nurse, who immediately knelt by my side and started to examine and feel around various parts of my injuries. At least she did it much more gingerly than our coach did. As he stood nearby, we all overheard him muttering again under his breath, something about me being so clumsy. When she heard him though, she rounded on him quickly, in front of everyone. "You shush your mouth! Don't even try pinning this on him, or anyone else for that matter! I've told you for years, these bleachers aren't the safest thing to be had in here!"
One look from him said it all - he knew when to bite his lip and tuck his tail! Instead of standing there looking foolish, however, he started sending everyone on up into the cafeteria for lunch. As I looked back, I think I saw Cody considering going and changing then, as he had not yet dressed back into his normal clothes. I actually watched indecision cross his face, and I was going to say thanks and for him to go on. Before I could though, the nurse turned to him. "Come on, let's you and I get him upstairs." Surprised, but pleased, he helped by draping my arm around his shoulder and standing up. They both helped me as I winced, and slowly we trudged out the gym door and back up the steps into the school's main hallway. We made our way through the various halls then until we got to the nurse’s office, but then passed it as she led us on to the front of the building. Once there, I finally ended up sitting on a bench just inside the main door, where she then informed us both to wait. As she disappeared inside, Cody and I looked at each other curiously, but said nothing as we sat there, me propped up sideways on the bench, and waiting to see what was going to happen next. He just looked like he was amused or something, I guess, but was also glad we didn’t have to go back to class yet.
After only moments, the nurse returned with her coat and keys dangling in one hand, and a folder held in the other. She was followed by one of the school's two janitors, too, who greeted us both with a smile and a nod. He was a big, broad-shouldered black guy, one who was always nice to everybody it seemed, although a lot of the kids purposefully ignored him for some reason. Without a word, he smiled at me and leaned down, picking me up gently but with surprising ease - and then he carried me outside toward the parking lot. Both Cody and the nurse followed, and soon I was outside and being carried to a minivan nearby. Once he placed me inside and I was situated, he backed away and accepted her thanks before disappearing. The nurse leaned in and looked at us both. "I don't think anything is really wrong, but your knee is swelling a bit, and it's obviously been badly sprained. So, just to be safe, we're going to take you down and get it x-rayed, that’s all." By the 'we’ part, I soon realized she was bringing Cody with us, and THAT made me feel a LOT better - mostly because it meant I didn't have to go alone. Of all the people who could have been going with me, he was by far the best person I could have ever wanted. I nodded as she closed the side door, and then proceeded to go around the front of the van and get in. Cody ended up climbing into the passenger seat beside her, and as soon as everything was situated, we headed off.
As I've said before, it's a small town, and we didn't really have what you would call a big hospital. I think most of the serious cases were always taken to Lexington (which was about an hour or so away), and only the regional-type, minor stuff was handled here. It did have rooms, I figured to keep people overnight if they needed to, but it was more like just an oversized medical ward of sorts, you know, like an emergency center. It didn't take us long before we arrived, and as the nurse parked outside the emergency entrance, she told both of us just to wait as she got out and went inside. Soon she returned with a couple of interns, and together they helped me out of the van and onto a stretcher/table thingy. I started to feel embarrassed more than anything by then, mostly because I was getting all this attention, and it was something I wasn't used to. To go along with it, I also was feeling sort of half-naked or something, too, being dressed in just gym shorts and a t-shirt. Already the cold air outside made me want to shiver. The only saving comfort I had though, was seeing Cody at my side as I was being wheeled through the doors. He was still dressed the same way, and for some reason that mollified me somewhat. He hadn't even gotten his own coat or anything before we left, so in a sense we were in the same boat. There was one other thing, too, that I noticed which made me think about us in some different kind of way. At one point, he very subtly reached and pulled down the edge of my shorts on my right leg. As I glanced and saw him winking at me, it dawned on me that my underwear must have been showing - quite a bit, as it turned out - so he was trying to "help" me not flash so much skin, I guess. I blushed big time, and remember turning my face away to try and hide it, but to no avail.
Inside, I was taken back into an examining room, or SOME kind of room, that even though looked clean, to me it was TOO clean. It had a heavy smell of ammonia and other hospital smells, enough to make anyone sick in my honest opinion. I look back now and think about how I always thought that was funny - the fumes could make one sick in a place where you were supposed to get better. Anyway, once we were inside, both the nurse and Cody stayed by my side while I was lifted onto a table, surprisingly gently. Someone then showed up at the door and asked about who would do the paperwork; our nurse (sorry, I cannot remember her name anymore, or I would use it here, as she really was a decent lady) then disappeared outside for a few minutes, leaving me and Cody alone. He had moved and was leaning against the wall opposite of me, watching intently. I looked back and swallowed hard, before declaring in a hushed voice, "You know, you can stand over here. I won't bite man, I promise. Oh, and thanks, for you know..." He blushed, but then came over and stood beside me. After a moment, he asked, "So, are you okay?"
I remembered nodding, but the truth was I didn't feel okay. I was nervous, scared - the whole experience was unsettling to me. I wondered where my mom was, what was going to happen next, and even had worried thoughts of what all this was going to cost us. That might sound silly for a young teen my age, but like I had said before, Mom and I didn't have it easy back then. It's not like we starved or anything, but things did get rough a few times, and money wasn't in abundant supply. Still, there was nothing I could do about that though, and I remember doing my best to try and just stay calm and focused. I was so glad, too, that I wasn't alone in there. Somehow, I think Cody understood that, too.
Before long, I got the answer to one of my questions at least. A kind-looking, middle-aged doctor entered the room, followed by some other people, including our school nurse again. He walked right over to my table, shook my hand and introduced himself, with a name I couldn't even try to pronounce if I tried, yet alone spell it in here; it was funny, because it sounded like a foreign name, but yet he didn't look like a foreign doctor at all. He started examining me as he spoke, with no hint of an accent or anything, and he spoke with warmth - not cold or indifferent. "Well, Sean, how are you doing? I heard you took a little tumble today, hmm?"
I nodded, dumbstruck mostly, just watching as he started probing and feeling around the upper part of my calf and moving right into the area of my knee. It was tender, hurting bad at times, but I was determined not to cry or say anything if I could keep from it. He finally finished doing his thing, but not before grilling me off and on with questions, like if this hurt, or did I feel that. After a bit he smiled at me, noticing I think the effort I was exerting to keep myself calm. "Probably doesn't feel so good right now, does it?" Again, I nodded in response, still dumbstruck but not knowing anything else to say. He turned to his assistant and ordered some X-rays, then told me he would see me again in a little bit before he disappeared back out the door.
Now, I had never had an X-ray done before that I could remember, other than the ones the dentist took of my mouth and teeth a couple of times. I wasn't ignorant to what it was, but I was uncertain about how it was going to be done. Would I have to strip naked or something? I suddenly felt helpless, and as everyone left the room, leaving me and Cody alone once again, my friend looked at me hard. I guess he must have sensed something. "You sure you’re okay?" he asked. When I didn't answer right away, he continued. "Hey, have you ever had an X-ray done before?" I nodded a little, half-lying to him I knew, but also trying to be brave. "Nothing to it,” he muttered to me, just as the door opened again and this big machine was rolled inside. And yes, I mean a BIG machine!
It was being pushed by a black man, grinning from ear to ear. "Hi thar, how'r y'all?" I smiled weakly, but remained silent as Cody replied with a "Hi!” for us. The man just nodded and then wheeled the machine right over next to me. He and another guy, who I just noticed for the first time that must followed him into the room, came up to me and proceeded to lift and move me into a different position. They slid a flat table-like shelf from the side of the machine into place, and then explained to me what he was going to do. Supposedly, all I needed to do was relax, that I wouldn't feel a thing, and it would all be over with in a flash. The way he talked put me at ease, making me feel a lot better about it, and I think I even remember smiling back. He looked at Cody and asked him if he would just stand outside the door for a minute, explaining that no one should really be in the room when the machine did its thing. Cody just nodded and walked out, leaving me alone with these two men.
In the end it really was a piece of cake, and in no time it was over. They set the machine, moved behind a partition thingy, I heard a buzzing sound, and that was that. They returned and moved me back into my normal position, except this time they elevated the head of the bed to let me lay more comfortably. Cody and our school nurse walked back in afterwards, and the three of us waited probably half an hour or so, mostly in silence. Our nurse tried to make some idle conversation with us and all, but after only minutes it seemed our list of topics had dwindled to nothing.
Finally, the doctor returned and explained that everything looked fine, with no broken bones or troubles that he could see. I was going to need to stay off the leg for a couple of days, however, and probably take some medication for aches and pain. He said it looked like I had really bruised some tendons or something, and it would not do me any good to be walking on it for the next 24-hours or so. He gave instructions to the hospital staff to get me a brace and some medicine samples for a couple days, and to clean up the scars before they let me go home, and then he left.
It took almost an hour to do those things before I was finally wheeled outside in a wheelchair, my leg now stretched out at an angle with a cloth-like knee brace enclosing it. Cody helped me back into the van, but instead of taking his place back in the passenger seat up front, he climbed in beside me and sat down on the floor. The nurse got in and we drove back to school without incident. The adventure seemed like it might now be over, but in truth, it was actually just beginning.
I go into all of these details for a reason, because I want to try and convey what it was like for me that day. I think back to different times in my life and a lot of them are cloudy, or hazy. This day, however, still stands out to me even now, with a certain amount of clarity that is surprising. Before it was over, Cody and I were going to build this bond, a kind of special friendship between us that was magical, I guess. None of it - zero, zilch, zip - was planned in any way whatsoever, certainly not by me. Even now that I’m 10 years older, I don't think it ever occurred to Cody we were going to do the things we did either. In a way, it was like fate or fortune brought us together, and for me - it was really cool. Remember, Cody and I had been friends for a while now - not a really long time, but long enough that I knew we felt safe from one another. Although his parents were pretty strict, they were getting more accepting of us as close friends, too, and that helped as we still got to enjoy each other’s company. I honestly think our friendship meant as much to him as it did for me. Sure, he was a little bigger, or at least more in tune physically with the other guys in our class. Whereas I had the scrimpy, geeky look overall, the other guys didn't look down on Cody any. In other words, they didn't pick on him as much as they did some of the other kids. He wasn't a quiet kid like me, but he didn't brag or hang out with the jocks or others, either. In a way, he seemed to always prefer hanging around me during lunch, or in our classes we had together.
There was another side, too: I don't think he was someone the other kids took lightly. Thinking back, I remember an incident once that, even though his sister is a year older, she was being harassed by a couple of creeps in front of the school one day. I saw him, from inside the door, setting his books down and running to get to her, taking up and standing beside her. I, too, ran out hard to get over to them when I realized what was happening. By the time I arrived, however, it was already over. I watched as my friend and his sister walked away, and they quietly let me join them as he walked back to get his books. They walked in silence, and so did I, as I wanted to respect their privacy. It wasn’t long before I found out the two jerks came within an inch of having their asses handed to them - by Cody. So, whether or not he could do it didn't matter - he gave everyone the impression he could, as sometimes that illusion - true or not - is all it takes. That’s why I think most kids learned he was someone you didn't want to mess with.
That was funny to me, because in all the times I had been around him, he was nothing like that. I mean, he wasn't the shy, quiet kid like me, but instead a kind of reserved person - but always open and passive. To me he was just cool, and when we became friends, I considered it a blessing in disguise, like someone in heaven must like me, you know? We were so much alike - we liked reading, comic books (but not a lot of them), science fiction, bike riding, and other stuff too. And this - THIS guy - was not only MY friend, but had chosen me to be HIS friend, too! He was perhaps the first true friend I had ever made in the world. He wasn’t someone our parents or other adults tried to play matchmaker or anything. Well, not really - Mom’s remark that one day was well after we had already established a liking to one another. Still, I never thought of Cody as someone I loved, at least not at first. Not that I would have been afraid of the notion, because I believe boys can love boys without sex or gay stuff involved, you know? I mean, if brothers can love one another (well, if they can ever admit it anyway), because of the bonding they have as a family at least, then why can't two close friends be the same way, right?
Still, I never thought much about this stuff with me and Cody - for us, we were just two peas in a pod. We liked each other, we had fun, and we talked. I didn't know what was going to happen that night - there is no way I could have ever even guessed it then, but the truth is it did happen - and it happened because of who we were and what we were becoming - two of the best friends you could possibly ever imagine.
We returned to the school and then the nurse got out of the van. When she and came around to the side door and opened it though, she stopped Cody. "Go to the gym, get both yours and his things, clothes and all, and bring them up to my office. Understand?" she asked him. He nodded before she turned directly to me. "What’s your box number?" I understood immediately what she was asking then. Every kid who took gym had these shoebox-like cubby holes in the walls of our dressing rooms, where we temporarily stored our everyday clothes while changing for class.
"Uh, C-140," I replied. Cody again nodded and then took off as he was instructed. We had never dressed out together - his assigned bunker, as we called it, was on the other end of the dressing room from mine, almost in the opposite corner.
The nurse turned to me again. "So, tell me, will you be alright waiting here a few minutes, or do you want to come inside with me? It shouldn't take me very long, though. I'm going to go call your parents and see if I can’t just take you home. Do you know when your mother will be in? I tried a little while ago from the hospital, but there was no answer."
I thought about that for a second. Remembering it was Friday, I knew she only worked a half-day every-other week, so I was pretty sure this was one of those early days. I explained that to the nurse, and said my Mom would probably be home by now - unless she stopped off to pick up groceries or something. The nurse nodded and said she would try again, but then just stood there and waited. It took me a second to realize she was waiting for my answer, so I blushed and told her I would be okay. She smiled, closed the door and went inside.
In a way, I was glad - heck, not only had we missed the last couple of hours of classes, but we were getting out of school for the rest of the afternoon as well! At least I was. I didn't know if Cody would be or not, but I had hoped so. That combined with it being the weekend made it better! I sat there, not as cold as I expected I would have been, just watching out the windows as dark clouds continued rolling in from the northwest. After a time, I jumped in surprise when the side door opened again, and Cody jumped in closing it quickly. He was shivering from the dampness by now, still in his gym clothes, but with him he held a bag that had both of our belongings together, along with our school backpacks. "Guess what?" he asked as he settled in beside me. I could feel his chill, and for some reason or another, I kind of leaned up closer to him, offering him what little warmth I had left.
"Uh... I dunno, what?" I answered.
"We're going to your house! They got hold of your mom, and then I called home to ask if I could come over a while! Dad was there, and after I explained everything, he said it was fine!" He was grinning ear-to-ear as he spoke excitedly.
"Awesome!" I replied, just as happy. Something else made me take notice then as well, and although I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, it still had an effect on me - however slight it was. You see, while they were gone inside, I had stretched out my sore leg again, since the brace made it really hard to bend very much. There was this area forward between the driver and passenger-side seat, so between me against the side of the van, I was using most of that space for it. When Cody returned and got in, and I saw him chilled, I sat up, making what little contact I had to offer my warmth, like I said. Well, when he saw that, he just tossed our stuff in the back before twisting around and sitting back closer with me. There wasn't a lot of space really, but as he kind of spooned in, he stretched a leg out too, coming into contact with my own. In other words, he didn’t shy away from me, and for a bit, we were pretty much in complete contact up and down our sides. Could he have just done it because of the fact I was warmer than he was? I don’t know, but I noted it, and he just sat there with a happy expression, oblivious to it. With both still in our gym clothes, for some reason or another I just remember thinking how cool it was. As he leaned in even tighter at one point, still shivering I think, I felt happy. That funny feeling inside of me was warming up in the, and I certainly didn't feel so cold at the moment. With me and my friend, I felt… well, I felt good.
I didn't have much time to think on it afterwards though; he turned around and pulled our coats out of the back, which we then quickly donned. Just as we finished, and he had scooted back against me again, the driver's door opened and there she was, our school nurse, hopping back in. She herself was shivering too, carrying an assortment of things in her arms. As she settled and glanced back, she grunted and put the most of it in the passenger seat. After adjusting the rear-view mirror yet again, she explained. "You two can get you assignments next week. None of the teachers are going to give you any trouble." Inwardly, we were elated, although we doubted there would have been much homework to contend with anyway. Our school pretty much avoided homework on Friday's, for the obvious reasons.
With a little guidance from the both of us, we pulled into our driveway within minutes after leaving school. Our nurse seemed genuinely surprised at how close I actually lived to the school, commenting that she rarely came out in this direction. As to why it surprised her, I had no idea, but at the time I didn't think nothing of it. As we pulled up behind Mom's car, I saw her looking out the kitchen window, and within seconds she was out the front door and making her way over to greet us. Cody and I worked on getting out, him supporting me again with my arm around his shoulder. Everything as it was, just as we rounded the vehicle, the sky chose that moment to start letting loose big drops of rain, which rapidly built into an all-out shower. Even in the not-so-far distance, we heard it thunder, and the loud rumbling approaching overhead told us all we needed to know. With both Cody and our nurse helping me, we all made for the porch quickly. Somehow Mom gathered our stuff from the back seat, too, before closing the door and running to catch up. Just as we stepped into the safety of the porch, the weather changed into an outright downpour. We all laughed, as we stopped briefly to catch our breath, a certain level of wetness by then having at the least dampened our clothes and hair. The air somehow felt ten degrees colder because of it, and I think both Cody and I began shivering again together as we finally worked our way inside the house.
As you would expect of any concerned mother, I think, my Mom was full of questions for us, all of which our nurse answered (I wish I could remember her name! And no, this is one time I don't really want to make one up for her!) She reassured that everything was fine, that the brace was only temporary, and reiterated what the doctor had said about staying off of it for a couple days. At some point, both women started chatting about "other" things, like women sometimes do, and still shivering, I turned to Cody and asked if he wanted to go upstairs and dry off. "I thought you’d never ask!" he whispered back to me, before taking my arm and pulling it around his shoulder again. That seems trivial, I know, but I it didn’t escape me, honest. I was finding I *liked* leaning up close to him, you know? And when he did this, it was, I don’t know, it just felt personal. Anyway, he helped me over and up the steps, and I noticed Mom watching us for a second, but since we seemed to be doing fine, she just nodded and went back to her conversation.
Once upstairs we turned and entered my room, crossing over to my bed where Cody promptly sat me down on the rail. I didn’t have to tell him where, he just immediately took off down the hall to the closet and retrieved a couple of big towels. When he didn’t return immediately, and I noticed everything had gotten quiet, I suddenly heard the faint sound of a stream of water, hitting more water. I knew then he was using the bathroom, so I just waited patiently. When he returned, he tossed one of the two towels he was holding to me. We quickly pulled our jackets off and dried our hair and other damp areas, feeling better already but still shivering. It was cold in my room, and even though I had turned on a space heater nearby, it would take some time before we would feel any immediate effects from it. With Mom having been gone all morning, I don’t think she had a fire going downstairs yet. That was how we heated our house, with a wood stove down in the living room. There were also vents that went through my floor, so as it warmed up downstairs, I could open my vents and let the warm air rise as much - or as little - as I wanted.
Cody and I sort of just sat on the bed for a moment. I remember turning to him, asking a very dumb question. "Uh, are you cold?" I say dumb, because he was sitting there, shivering right before my eyes, and I remember feeling guilty afterwards. He returned my gaze though and nodded, so I told him to close my door, which he did at once without hesitation. We both knew I had pretty good privacy to myself up here in general. I also think, though, we both knew that once our nurse left, Mom would probably be bouncing up the stairs to pounce on me and checking things out for herself. Pointing at my dresser, I spoke again. "There, that drawer on the right", indicating one of the big drawers near the bottom.
Having been here before, Cody already knew what I was getting at. We had shared my clothes several times before, especially after church on Sundays. It had let us do a lot of things without getting our nice clothes messed up. I mean, we played basketball, wrestled, climbed up in the tree house, explored through the woods - even had a water balloon fight once. He had no fear of putting my clothes on at all, so now wasn’t going to be any different. As he reached into the drawer, he found and also pulled out a couple of long-sleeved t-shirts, tossing one of them to me. I might have hesitated perhaps, but I was cold and my own t-shirt was pretty damp if not outright wet in places. Bottom line, I didn't really care at the moment, so I just peeled it off in front of him - which was another first for me, as I had never done that outside of the gym class dressing room before. Without paying any attention to him, I tugged the clean one over my head in its place, enjoying the dry feel it now gripped around my body.
All of this would have been just normal, I think, except for the second time that day something else happened. It was another of one of those little things that were happening between the two of us, things you can’t help but notice sometimes. When it happens, it’s something so slight you don't really expect it, or see it coming, you know? When it’s there, though - when it happens - it gives you a little tingle in the bottom of your belly. At least, it did for me. Cody had hesitated too, I think, but then he just did the same thing I did, pulling his shirt off, up and over his head while facing me, and tugging the other one it its place. I watched him, my curiosity getting the better of me, and he knew I was watching him. When he gave this little smile, sort of acknowledging me I guess, I remember blushing before finally lowering my eyes. It was the first time I saw him really up close, certainly more than I had ever seen him before. I saw his chest and belly, his nipples, navel and shoulders, and it gave me a start. Other guys in gym? You don’t take the time, really, because if you’re caught - whoa! Flip a coin as to whether they will ignore you or give you hell, like 'What you looking at, creep?’ But then, a watched, I looked, and I saw my best friend - on purpose and up close, and I saw not only did he not care, but that ultimately, he was a lot like me.
I guess I make that more dramatic than what it really was, but consider. Until that day, other than a few curiosities, I didn’t pay any attention to other people, girls or boys. Not really, anyway. Sure, movies and TV can be a little different, but a real, live person standing 3 feet away from me? I was embarrassed, but when he just gave me that half-smile as I looked away, I thought for a second and then looked back up again. What’s more, for the first time I think, it sort of hit me that he did it because he trusted me, and I didn't really have to feel ashamed about it. Does that make any sense at all? It might not seem like a lot to some people, but this was my "first", really my ONLY "best" friend, you know? At least, he was the first person I really counted as such. His acceptance of just the two of us together spoke volumes. Even more so was what happened next, I think. Standing next to the dresser, he began looking deeper into the drawer before speaking again. "Uh, you got any sweats or something? I don’t see any here like usual."
I was like kicking myself, thinking 'Duh, you idiot, Sean! Why didn't you think of that too?’
"Next drawer down," I answered, and he opened it to find all my heavier sweat bottoms, the ones I wore in colder weather. Pulling two of them out, he again tossed one of them to me and then started kicking his shoes off.
I think I was close to being paralyzed on the spot. My mouth could have been hanging open, and time could have stood still for all I did or didn’t know. I just sat there, for the second time that day, like a dumbstruck idiot. I mean, in some ways there wasn't a lot I could do anyway without having some help; my shoes had already been discarded earlier, and my socks had already been pulled free while Cody was in the bathroom. As I watched him, it dawned on me what he was going to do. Was he going to go to the bathroom or anywhere? If not, should I turn my head away or anything?
Ultimately, paralyzed with uncertainty, I did watch him. Three feet in front of me, there was little I could focus my sight elsewhere anyway. I mean, if I turned my gaze downward, it could have been even worse, right? He might have thought I was like preying on him or something, since I was pretty much already at eye level with his waist. He had gone over to the door and made sure it was closed before coming back, standing close to me again. Then, in what seemed like slow motion, he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his gym shorts and dropped them to the floor, twisting as he pulled them off his feet.
I couldn’t help it, honest. I silently held my breath as he did this, so close to me I could have reached out and touched him. I mean, remember - my room was a pretty big room. He could have easily changed over by the door or elsewhere, like behind me. Instead, he came back until he was practically right next to me and then did "it”. I wasn’t seeing his junk, his "plumbing” as some people call it, though there was a decent outline that could be seen in front. I was just seeing underwear, briefs even, like my own. It shouldn’t have been any big deal, right? To my virgin eyes, though - it was.
Now, I admit I had subtly watched other guys in gym when they changed clothes. Brief glances, laughing at some joke or something somewhere. I even watched another guy get his underwear pulled down once, as a joke from someone pulling a prank - but the guy pulling the prank was between us, so I never really saw anything. The point though, I never actually looked and paid attention to anything - or anyone - like what I was doing now. Cody reached out and grabbed the side of the bed at one point for support, as he kicked the last foot free. I watched them go down and come off, trying my best to keep my face as expressionless as I could. I still couldn’t help it, though. I couldn’t take my eyes anywhere else. I saw the outlines of him, of everything that fell below the front of his fresh t-shirt. I was mesmerized, and my heart could have clearly stopped.
For Cody’s part, he took his time, not hurrying or anything. As he pulled his pair of sweats and got them up over his crotch, I finally came to and suddenly felt ashamed. I had noticed a gap right at the last second when he raised his leg nearest to me, and the sagging cloth had opened to where I could see inside. I don't think I saw anything, but I had found myself hoping to see something, and as that fact hit me, I finally turned my gaze away and down to his feet as he finished. He had been observing me watch him, and that included seeing me drop my head. I was afraid, almost scared even, as to what he would think. For seconds, I sat there in misery, as I heard that familiar snap of the elastic as he adjusted himself. I couldn't think of anything to say or do, so I just sat there like a bump on a log. Had I done something I shouldn't? Had I gone too far? I think back and know better now, but for my first encounter, my first experience like this? I just didn’t know. At least I was breathing again finally, but I knew my face was flushed from being embarrassed.
What was going through Cody's head, I don't know, but he must have noticed something, too. Momentarily he stepped up beside me. "Hey, are you alive?"
For some insane reason, I giggled and nodded. The moment had passed, but I still couldn't come up with any words, nor really look up at him. I was afraid of what my face might betray at that moment, and heaven knows, I didn’t want to lose anything between us. I think he knew though. He knew I had been watching, and he probably saw me blushing. Whatever look I had must have been like Jeremy's I guess, so many years before - the look that had made me feel so uncomfortable. Still, he was the one who had decided to stand so close to me in front. When I looked up finally, I saw something I didn’t expect. It was like he was trying to tell me, without saying it, that everything was okay. I think back on it now, and I know he was probably trying to make me feel better in some way. The only saving grace was that I did know that Cody wasn't like me when I was eight years old - and I wasn't like Jeremy. So, instead of ignoring me, or laughing or teasing or calling me a jerk or something, Cody did something else completely that told me it was all right. He bumped my shoulder playfully, and just said shrugged it off, I think. Picking up the other pair of sweats, he commented. "Here, your turn. Let's figure out how to do this for you." Again, being the idiot, I was still trying to piece it all together, but he eventually slipped beside me and pulled my arm around his shoulder, helping me to my feet.
I did as I was bidden, dumbfounded with no words or voice. To be honest, I still didn't trust myself to say anything yet. Cody helped steady me to stand on one leg and then waited. Luckily, I got the idea in my head finally, so I nervously repeated what he had done, hooking my thumbs into my waistband and dropping my shorts. When they hung onto the knee brace, my best friend reached down and gave them a boost, and as he did it, I finally began gaining some of my confidence back. I was now standing next to him as he had done to me just moments before, albeit even closer - and Cody didn't seem to mind it any at all.
I then sat back down with Cody’s help, before he then circled in front of me and finished pulling my shorts from my feet, tossing them away over to where his lay in the floor. I then watched as he threaded the legs of my sweats on me, one side at a time, pulling them up over my feet and onto my calfs. I watched him, watched his face as he was doing this, hoping beyond hope I would see something - anything - in his face that showed a hint of curiosity about me. To me, if I could see that, then maybe everything that had transpired with me watching him would be okay then.
Then, to my amazement, he didn’t disappoint me. I helped where I could, from the overall feel of things, as he focused on my feet and started upward. Then I saw him purposefully look at me, toward my crotch, as he prepared to work my bottoms over my knee and brace. I mean, I was totally open to him, and he actually had a much better vantage point than I had. When I saw him do that, I felt like my whole heart thumped harder, just ready to jump out of my chest. This was the first real "intimate" thing, if that’s what you want to call it, I had ever shared with him, and somehow that started to make me feel relieved.
Then he did it again, after glancing down as he pushed the cloth over my knees and up on my thighs. A lot of my fears eased up, and I think I could have hugged him then, and I think he knew it, too. The release of the breath I had been holding wasn’t hidden, and somehow my best friend glanced up at me and grinned. Cody then helped work my sweats as far up my thighs as he could, given I was sitting on the bed rail, and I watched him look at me up and down everywhere, sizing me up, I guess. Unlike me, who had been so scared, he didn't hide the fact he was paying attention to me, especially when looking at my underwear and crotch. He knew I could see him, and the more he looked at me, the more my tension seeped away.
It was his next utterance that shocked me the most, however. "Cool," he said, looking me directly in my eyes. That was ME he said that to, and there was no way on earth it could have been about anything else than the obvious! I was ecstatic, and all I could do was grin back in relief. He helped me stand up once more, before grabbing the rest of my sweats and finishing the job. It was then I finally found my voice. "I'm sorry, Cody," I whispered. I felt like I should say something, anything, you know? Just to break my stone silence, and that was all I could come up with.
"About what?" he replied. He didn’t wait for the answer at first, choosing instead to lay me down, back into the bed before pulling a couple of bean bags up close. He then plopped down, sitting right next to me, grinning as if all was right in the world. I finally let it go then, his grin becoming too infectious. When he arched his eyebrows, I knew then I was going to have to answer him.
"I don’t know, really, just thanks, man. You're my best friend, you know that?"
"Yeah, you’re mine too, Sean."
I might have thought that was the end of this little adventure right there; what transpired in those few moments and went through my head and heart were sealed between us. It would have fed me with something warm inside, to keep for a very long time. Even now, thinking back, it still does. Sometimes your first love, or your first experiences, when they happen certain ways, they seem to always stand out more magically than others, you know? But to be honest, even after all of this that night, in those few moments, were just beginning. There was more coming - a lot more I had not planned, had not dreamed would ever happen, or even come close to believing.
As I look back, I see in my eyes now what I should have understood a lot sooner than I did; Cody was so much like me, in so many ways. He needed my companionship as much as I needed his, I think, because he was curious too. And he had let me know he wasn’t afraid of me. You see, he let me know in those few moments, he really trusted me. It would only be a few hours later that night before, I found out how much so...
But THAT is another chapter to be told...