The next event on our calendar was Mark’s graduation, which was to take place the second weekend in May. I arranged for his mother’s plane ticket and told her we’d meet her there, because I knew she’d have trouble financing such a trip on her own. Her money situation, although improved, was still not good enough to cover such a monetary output, so I offered to do it for her.
I had originally planned on bringing the family with me, but changed my mind for a couple of reasons. First of all, Cody’s oncologist suggested it might not be such a good idea for Cody to make this trip. His immune system wasn’t very strong yet and exposing him to so many new people, and possibly different viruses and bacteria, might be too much for his body to deal with. Besides, such a trip would be exhausting for him and being fatigued would increase his risk of a setback.
In addition to this, the boys were in the final two weeks of the school year, which meant they had projects to finish and finals to study for. I didn’t think taking them away at this time would be such a good idea, since I didn’t want them getting behind at this late date.
I still wanted Jake to go with me and we’d leave someone else in charge while we were gone, but he argued it would be best for him to stay with Cody and the other boys. He insisted Cody needed one of us, but then went on to urge me to go with Mark. He said he’d take care of things at home. Even though I also considered not going, Jake wouldn’t hear of it. He reminded me I was the guy Mark was most attached to and thought of as a father figure. Jake then explained Mark would be devastated if I didn’t attend and I could only concede he was probably correct. In the end, I was the only one to accompany Mark to his graduation, although we were still going to meet up with his mother there.
Mark told me later he actually preferred it this way, because it made him feel as if it were just his dad and him making their way to the ceremony. Since his mother was going to be there too, he admitted it would also be as if he had two parents with him, so he’d no longer feel so different from the other graduates. Even though Mark is now an adult and graduating from college, the pain and disappointment associated with growing up without a father has never seemed to have left him. For that reason, I was glad I could at least serve as a substitute on this occasion and ease some of the hurt he had borne for so many years.
My role in this would be small, but I was happy to do my part. Mark’s mother had been his rock and entire world for most of his life, so my importance would most likely end, once she joined us. I wasn’t jealous and didn’t regret what I felt would happen, because that was the way it should be. I was still willing to be there for him, but I wasn’t going to interfere. I would defer to the wonderful lady who had raised this fine young man.
Mark was very talkative on the plane and told me several things I doubt he had ever shared with anyone else before. Even though he remembered next to nothing about his father, he did have many strong emotions still tied to those early years, when he and his mother were on their own. He informed me how they had struggled to survive after his father left, because his mother didn’t have many skills. For that reason, she had to accept very low-paying jobs just to cover the rent and have enough left over to buy food.
She would then work a second low-paying job to make enough money to provide what clothing they had to wear and pay the utilities and other bills. Mark was a little embarrassed as he explained how their church helped them get other things, including the few simple luxuries they were able to enjoy.
Mark also confided to me that their pastor brought them a Christmas basket for several years, just to make certain they wouldn’t have to suffer through the holidays without something special to look forward to. This basket would contain food for their Christmas dinner, a few sweets, a little something for Mark’s mother and some sort of a game or toy for him. He said they always appreciated the gift basket, but as he grew older, Mark found it harder to accept such a handout.
As soon as he was old enough to work, Mark started taking jobs mowing lawns, raking leaves, babysitting, running errands and eventually delivering newspapers. He then offered the money he made to his mother, to make things easier for her, but she wouldn’t accept it from him. Even though he felt bad when his offer was rejected, he did understand why his mother wouldn’t accept his earnings and came up with another way to do the same thing. From that point on, he began buying many of his own things, so his mother wouldn’t have to.
Mark bought his own clothing, school supplies and whatever else he might want, without getting carried away. He felt if he did this, his mother could use the money she would have spent on him to purchase things for herself. He told me he didn’t think his mother ever did that though and, instead, saved the money up, so she could buy him more for his birthdays or on the holidays.
He explained that as he grew older and progressed to the middle school grades, his mother began to take courses at a two-year college. While he was in high school, she graduated from college and received her two-year degree. At that point, she was able to secure a much better paying job, although she still continued to work two jobs. She did this so she could put money away for Mark to use for college. She emphasized many times that the key to his success and future would be a good education, so he worked hard in high school, and then at college, so he could repay his mother for all her sacrifices.
During those more plentiful years, Mark continued to work, but would save all his money and add it to his college fund. When it was time for him to attend college, he used that money, combined with what financial aid he was able to secure, loans he took out and the money he made by working part time jobs to pay for his tuition, room and board. His mother still continued to send him money, to help cover the costs of books and other expenses that would pop up, and now he was looking forward to doing something special to repay her for all she did for him.
At this point, I began to question him about her, so I could discover what type of work she did, what she was like and get an idea whether or not she might be willing to relocate. He wasn’t willing to commit when I asked if she’d be willing to move, even though we had talked about this before. I wasn’t sure of his reasons, but felt I had to explore it further.
I explained to him that since he was working in Pennsylvania and didn’t plan on returning to the area where he grew up, I wondered if she might be willing to move closer to him. That way, they could still be together and he could help take care of her. They’d also be able to see each other on a regular basis, without him having to find another job. After talking this over, he agreed it was a wonderful idea and admitted he had discussed it with her after I first mentioned it. At that time, she told him she was afraid he’d end up leaving this area too, which would leave her abandoned in a strange community, with no friends.
He promised he’d bring it up to her again, once the graduation ceremony was over, and thanked me for reminding him. He admitted it was something he might not have thought about, with everything else going on, but felt this would be the perfect opportunity to do it. She would be able to get to know me and we could both tell her about the family and the area. He might even be able to talk her into joining us for the holidays, so she would have a chance to become familiar with everyone and everything. He said he’d start saving for her plane ticket and I told him I’d help too, if we got her to agree. He promised he’d take care of that, so we moved on to other topics.
Mark then went back to telling me about his burning desire to have a father he could do things with, especially when he was younger. When he was little, he longed to play catch with his dad, go places with him or just have his father show him some affection. He said for years it hurt because he didn’t have anyone to fill the role, so he would often lie in bed at night and wonder what he had done to make his father leave.
He then confided to me that just when he thought he was over thinking about such things, I came along and fulfilled some of his dreams. He confirmed that after we met, he would tell his friends about me when they asked him about his father and he fantasized I had been there for him all of his life. He told me he knew it was a childish thing to do, even though I tried to reassure him it was not. I explained many people fantasize about various things in their lives, especially when it’s to lessen painful memories, and if it helped, so much the better. Mark also confessed that thinking of me in this way made him finally feel like he belonged somewhere and it also felt good to believe he had a father he could count on.
He told me he hoped I didn’t mind him doing this, so I told him, if anything, I was flattered. I assured him he could feel free to use me as his surrogate father and I’d love to help him any way I could. He informed me that just coming to the graduation with him and arranging the ticket for his mother was more than enough. He explained she had been using all her extra money to help pay for his education, so it was still rough for her financially. Even though it would have been tough, he knew his mother would have scraped the money together somehow, so she could be there when he graduated. Since I purchased her ticket, she could still be there, but it wouldn’t cause her any financial hardship.
Mark also explained the best part about it was, since the ticket came from me, she didn’t dare refuse it. She had told Mark she didn’t want to risk the chance of offending me by refusing my offer; especially after all I’d done for him, like helping him get a good job. I laughed at the fact that I had inadvertently intimidated his mother and then confirmed I’ve always been glad to help in whatever way I could. I told him I would be doing more for him in the future and then Mark surprised me by giving me a hug and whispering in my ear.
“Thanks, Dad. You’re actually better than I ever dreamed you’d be.”
I was deeply touched by his comment, and after a few tearful moments together, we settled back to enjoy the rest of the trip. When we arrived at the airport, I picked up the keys to the rental car and then we waited for his mother to arrive. Her plane was scheduled to touch down about forty-five minutes after ours, so we decided it would be best if we waited there for her, rather than wander off.
During the interim, I took Mark to have a beer with me. It was sort of a congratulatory drink, but it was also meant to help him settle down. Between his upcoming graduation and seeing his mother again, he was pacing about like an expectant father and exhibited the nerves of a bridegroom waiting for the wedding to begin. Seeing there was still more time before his mother arrived, we had a second drink, but kept our eyes on the arrival-departure screen, as we wanted to know the exact moment her plane landed.
Mark was actually the one who saw the screen change, denoting his mother’s plane had touched down, so we rushed to the luggage area to meet her. Once he spotted her, Mark ran over and began to hug and kiss her, before he lifted her off the ground and swung her around, like some sort of dance move. When he finished his excited greeting, he set her down again and dragged her over to meet me. Although I knew he’d do that, I was surprised by what he said. “Mom, I’d like you to meet my new dad, Josh Currie. And, Dad, this is my mom, Susan Williams.”
The two of us looked awkwardly at each other for a few seconds and then she broke the silence. “It’s Sue, and I’m glad Mark has finally found someone he can trust and rely on as a role model.” She smiled at me.
“And I’m Josh, and I’m pleased to meet you too. Thank you for the compliment, but I’m pretty fond of this young man. He’s done a tremendous job handling my personal accounts and those of our foundation, and he’s also become a valued addition to my family. My boys all think the world of him and it’s been a pleasure to have him with us for the past couple of summers.”
“Well, I know he’s enjoyed it too,” she responded, “and I’m glad he’s had such a caring family to spend time with.”
After we exchanged a little more small talk, Mark picked up his mother’s luggage and carried it to the car. We drove over to the hotel first, so we could check in. I’d reserved a room for her and another for Mark and myself, and now I wanted us to be able to go to our rooms and clean up quickly, because I planned on taking them both out to dinner tonight. The graduation ceremony wasn’t until the following afternoon, so this would give us time to get to know each other better.
Although Mark’s mother was hesitant to let me do this for them, she finally gave in and we went out and had a great time. The restaurant was nice, the food good and the wine delicious, but the company was outstanding.
I let Mark and his mother carry the conversation at first, as he filled her in on everything he’d been doing. He told her about his new girlfriend and then brought up the topic of whether or not she might be willing to move, as it looked like he’d be staying in Pennsylvania. He told her he loved his job, made good money and couldn’t see returning home, which caused her to look more than a little sad. After a brief pause, as she took some time to consider his proposition, she finally responded.
“Mark, I’ve thought about this a great deal since you first mentioned it,” she began. “The only thing I have in this world that’s important to me is you, so if that is where you plan to live, I’d be happy to live there too. That is, if you want me to live that close to you.”
“Want? I need you to be there, so I don’t have to worry about you or miss you all the time,” he explained. “Once you’re there, I’ll have my mom and dad in the same place.” She glanced at me again when he said this, so I decided it was time for me to say something to Mark about what he had said.
“Mark, I don’t think your mother feels comfortable with you referring to me like this. Maybe you should just call me Josh.” Now, he looked at me and then at her, but she responded before he had a chance to say anything about my comment.
“It’s not that it bothers me, Josh, but I was afraid it might bother you,” she explained. “I know how badly Mark has always wanted a father in his life and it always pained me that I couldn’t do anything to help him in that respect. I was happy to learn he thought so much of you that he wanted you to fill the void for him, but I needed to be sure it was all right with you too. I didn’t want him pressuring you into anything you weren’t ready for or didn’t want.”
“That certainly is not the case here,” I replied, in an attempt to reassure her and Mark. “I’m honored he feels this way about me and I couldn’t be any prouder of him, even if he were my biological son. I have many adopted sons, as you’re probably well aware, but there is always room for one more. I’m very willing, and very happy, to be a surrogate father for him, if that’s what he wants and, of course, if it meets with your approval.”
“Are you kidding?” she asked, rhetorically. “It’s been a secret dream of mine that Mark would find someone to fill this role in his life and ease his pain. I just want to thank you for being there for him.”
“It is certainly my pleasure and he’s done as much for my family and me, as I could ever do for him,” I told her. “No, he’s probably done more, but I shall try to make it up to him for that.”
At this point, his mother stood up and walked toward me. As I stood, to be polite, she embraced me with every ounce of strength she had and then kissed me on the cheek. When I looked down at her, her eyes were filled with tears, although I knew they were tears of happiness. She thanked me once more, after adding a comment about Mark making an excellent choice. After that we sat and talked a little more, over coffee and dessert, and then I even asked her to dance, since there was a small dance floor and a three-piece band.
I think Mark got a big kick out of this, seeing his mom and dad dancing, and possibly it fulfilled another of his fantasies. All in all, it was a very nice evening. When it was over, we went back to our rooms and turned in for the night, because we had another long day ahead of us tomorrow.
The next day I drove everyone to Mark’s graduation. Almost as soon as we got there, he went off to join his class. We watched him as he walked away and noted he looked extremely handsome in his cap and gown. After he left, his mother and I went off to find seats, while trying to select a good vantage point to watch this from. As we sat and waited, we observed the other proud parents enter and make their way to their seats, and this brought back memories of when my older children had graduated from college.
It wasn’t much longer before the ceremony began and we both stood and applauded when Mark received his degree. We were both amazed to learn that he had graduated summa cum laude, which meant he had earned the second highest honors one could receive. He hadn’t mentioned this fact to either of us or indicated he had done so well, but now we were both bursting at the seams.
We could hardly wait to see him in person and congratulate him, but when he joined us we both gave him hell for not informing us beforehand about receiving honors. Once we had done this, we switched gears and praised him for how well he had done. He responded to our chiding by informing us that he wanted to surprise us and then left it at that, which was typical of Mark.
After enjoying a celebratory meal after the ceremony, we all got our things and headed for the airport to catch our flights. Before we parted ways, we informed Sue to start packing once she got back home, because she’d soon be moving nearer to us. I told her I’d arrange for her to stay with friends, until she had a chance to select a place of her own, and I’d have her things shipped here, at my expense. Once she felt comfortable, we’d help her find a job, which shouldn’t be too difficult, considering her field. She was a dental hygienist and there always seemed to be a constant demand for individuals with this training, at least right now. She thanked us both, kissed her son good-bye and then we all headed to the gates our flights would be leaving from.
Although we talked a little more on the flight back, we spent most of our time sleeping. We arrived home Sunday morning, picked up the car from the parking lot and drove the rest of the way. I had already talked to Mark about holding his graduation party the following weekend, in conjunction with Frankie and Dustin’s graduations. At first he balked, saying the party should be just for them, since we had already celebrated with his mother. He thought they should receive all the recognition and didn’t want to impose on their moment in the spotlight. I told him that was nonsense and the other pair would feel bad, if his accomplishments weren’t honored too.
After telling him I’d hold a separate party for him, if he didn’t like the idea of a joint party, he started to relent. After I also convinced him Frankie and Dustin wouldn’t mind, he finally agreed to let me hold one big party for the three of them. The weekend after that we’d hold another big party for the high school graduates, and I was certain everyone would be fine with this.