Survivors

 

 

The "Survivor" sat at the end of the runway. Enghar had his head buried in his father’s chest. He knew that any second now he would hear the roar of the rockets meaning his lover, his brother, his Meshanna would be gone forever. He wanted to walk away and not see it or hear it, but there was no way he could shut it out. He grabbed his father harder and buried his face deep into his chest.

 

The large crowd was ready for the shuttle to take off, but it sat on the end of the runway, its engines idling. Roobine watched from the control tower. He knew Alex and Stevie had finished their checklist and that they should be revving up their engines and taking off, but nothing was happening.

 

"Alex, is everything okay?" Roobine finally asked on the radio.

 

He heard nothing but silence. "Alex? What's going on there?" he asked worriedly.

 

Again there was only silence. The shuttle started to move, but Roobine could tell that the rockets weren’t revving up into take off mode. The "Survivor" was not accelerating, it was taxiing.

 

Enghar heard the engines rev up and grabbed his father harder, if that was possible. Dr. Lokor turned his son around and showed him what was happening. The shuttle moved slowly down the runway and taxied toward the terminal. It stopped on the tarmac and the engines returned to idling. Enghar’s heart almost thumped out of his chest—he knew this had to do with Mattoo.

 

He watched as the steps were rolled up to the shuttle. He wanted to look and he didn't want to look. Maybe it wasn't about Mattoo at all. Maybe they just forgot something, or maybe something had broken, or somebody was hurt or sick.

 

The door opened, and Mike stood in the hatch, his eyes red and his cheeks stained with tears, a concerned look on his face as he scanned the crowd.  Enghar felt his heart stop. He knew something was wrong—something was very wrong. He turned back to his dad, who could see the hurt in his son's face. The doctor looked up at the door again and saw the big teenager walk down the steps, slowly and alone.

 Taxiing to the north end of the runway had been routine. Alex finished his checklist with Stevie and Roobine. Scooter was in the cockpit, too, in case he was needed for translating. They heard loud voices coming from the cabin as the shuttle sat idling at the end of the runway.

 

"What's going on?" Alex asked.

 

"I don't know," Scooter said. "I'll go back and take a look."

 

Scooter unbuckled his seat belt and entered the cabin. He saw right away what the problem was. Matthew was standing in the aisle yelling.

 

"I don't want to go!" he screamed in his high pitched boy voice. Scooter could see tears flowing down the boy's cheeks.

 

Douglas got up out of his seat and walked over to the young boy, placing his hands gently on his shoulders. "You have to go Matthew. I have to get you home safely." He looked at Scooter. "Tell Alex we're ready to take off as soon as Matthew takes his seat." He sat in the seat across from Matthew and buckled himself back in. Matthew reluctantly sat back in his seat. But Scooter didn’t move.

 

"Scooter, you know he can't stay here!"  Douglas said.

 

Scooter thought about sending his thoughts, but decided this was an issue that concerned all of them. “Maybe this is where he belongs,” Scooter said forcefully. “Maybe this should his decision and not yours.”

 

“Scooter, you have to back me up here. You know I'm right. We've talked about it over and over.”

 

“I thought you were right, but now I'm not so sure. I think the decision has to be up to him.”

 

“He's eleven years old. He can't decide this. I have to take him home to his parents.”

 

“And because you’re fourteen, that means you know everything?” Douglas was dumbfounded as Scooter admonished him publicly. This was so unlike his quiet, unassuming boyfriend. “Listen to yourself, Douglas. Everything you're saying is about you. Nothing you're saying is about Matthew. This decision isn't about you, it's about him, and it's time you started listening.”

 

Douglas stood up and looked around the cabin—all eyes were on him and Scooter. He could now look down at Scooter, giving him more of a position of authority. “I'm the leader, Scooter. Sometimes I have to decide what's right for people, even if they don't like it.”

 

“When do I get to call you RC?” Scooter asked.

 

Douglas stared at Scooter with a stunned look on his face. He felt like he had just been slapped. Standing up to him like this was something Scooter had never done.  “That's not a fair thing to say and you know it,” Douglas spat angrily. This was the first real argument the two of them had ever had and it didn’t help that they were having it in front of all of the survivors. “Matthew has to go with us because it's the right decision, not because I'm trying to be his boss. It has to be this way because it's right. He has to go.”

 

“Whether he likes it or not.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

“And who are you to say you’re completely right?”

 

“I am your leader, that’s what I am.” Pushing through the anger and hurt was the sudden thought that he was, in fact, sounding exactly like Robert Charles. He quickly pushed the thought aside—there was no way he was like Robert Charles.

 

Matthew was getting impatient. He knew that Scooter would lose the argument to Douglas—he just wanted to get everything over with and leave the planet. He wished he could take back his outburst. Scooter and Douglas stood face-to-face, breathing hard, saying nothing, angry looks dominating their faces.

 

Alex broke the silence by opening the door and coming out of the cockpit. "What's the problem? Why aren't we ready to take off?"

 

"You said for me to follow my heart, Alex," Matthew said. "Everybody says I should go back with you guys, but my heart says it wants me to stay. I want to stay. You guys can’t make me go." Matthew tried unsuccessfully to control his quivering voice.

 

Douglas stared at Alex. So Alex was behind this. He felt betrayed by Matthew, by Scooter, and by Alex. He had promised to get them all back. He owed it to them and to their parents. He knew how Matthew felt, and he understood, but there was no way Matthew was staying on Inferno.

 

"No!" Douglas said. "You have to go, Matthew. This isn't your home. This isn't where you belong."

 

"Yes, it is! Enghar is my Meshanna. His parents love me! I do belong here! Not with people who don't care about me! Not with people who were mean to me my whole life!"

 

"But they're your parents, Matthew…and…”

 

"I don't give a shit!" the boy yelled back. "I hate them. I fucking hate them!" Everybody stared incredulously at the crying boy. Little Matthew had always been quiet, sweet, and even tempered through everything he had gone through, which was more than the other boys could even begin to imagine. He had never screamed, and nobody had ever heard him cuss. The cabin was quiet—only the climate control fans could be heard.

 

Mike stood up and signaled to Douglas to go to the cockpit with him. Scooter and Alex joined him; Stevie was still seated in the cockpit.

 

The four boys stood at the back of the cabin ready to listen to Mike.

 

Douglas sat in a jump seat, but Mike remained standing. He addressed Douglas forcefully before anybody could get settled.

 

"Douglas, I became Matthew's little brother on the 'Starkeeper' because of how his parents treated him and because of how Jordan and RC treated him. He felt so miserable and lonely and depressed, he wanted to die. He was ten years old and didn't want to live any more. It was that bad.

 

“He is the only one of us to get hurt when the “Moonduster’ landed, and he was hurt bad. Then he ends up buried alive in the desert, and only blind luck got him rescued. He is lucky to be alive and sitting on this shuttle right now. It was Enghar and Enghar's family who brought him totally back to health, both his mind and his body. Through everything he remained a sweetheart of a boy."

 

"That's all great," Douglas interrupted. "But he still....."

 

"Douglas, just shut up for a minute, will you?" Mike said.  "Just listen for a minute."

 

Once again Douglas was astounded by the behavior of his friends.  None of them had ever talked to him in this manner. "Say what you want. Matthew isn't staying here,” he said without conviction.

 

Mike ignored him and went on. "Douglas, he found what he’s always wanted right here on Inferno, on an alien planet with beings different from us. But they are a lot like us, too—maybe more like us than they are different from us.

 

“He should really not be alive now, but he is. The only reason he agreed to leave Inferno with us is because he loves and respects you, Douglas. He respects you so much he was willing to do whatever you want, even if it tore him up inside. He has shown his feelings and love for you.  I talked to him and advised him to go with us, because I love and respect you, too.

 

"But I see now that I was wrong and that you are wrong. As much as he loves you and wants to be with us, he listened to his heart while we taxied up the runway. Matthew's life is here on Inferno. He should have died here, but instead he found life here. We have no right to make him go.  He belongs here. If I were him I would have screamed and cussed too."

 

"No. I promised. I promised all of you. In a way I made the promise to his parents, to all of our parents.  I promised to get you all back. I'm responsible for getting him home. It's why you made me leader."

 

Scooter decided it was time for him to talk. “Douglas,” he said with compassion and love, “we made you our leader because we wanted to follow you anywhere, anytime. We love and trust you. But you never promised to take us home. You promised to take us to safety. Matthew is safe here on Inferno. He feels at home here. He is loved here."

 

"It's my decision. I know what you're saying, but it's my decision, and he has to go."

 

Scooter pulled down the other jump seat and sat next to Douglas. He put his arm around his shoulder. Douglas tried unsuccessfully to pull away from him. Scooter looked Douglas directly in the eye. "From the first day we elected you leader, the four of us, you, me, Mike, and Alex met to talk over the tough things we needed to do. You made the final decisions, but we helped you. And you listened to us. You didn’t make any decision alone. Listen to us now. Please."

 

"I never thought you would ever turn on me Scooter. Go ahead. Do whatever you want. I don't care." He pulled away from Scooter and stared out the window.

 

Scooter started to reach for him, then turned to Mike. "Let's go. I think Matthew is going to be home faster than the rest of us."

 

Mike led Scooter up the aisle. Alex looked at Douglas and said, "Douglas, this isn't like you at all. Not at all. You didn't listen to your heart or to Matthew's heart. You didn't look to see what was best for the other person or for the group. You looked to see what was best for yourself. That's not what made you a great leader."

 

Scooter took his seat while Mike sat down next to Matthew. "Hi, little brother."

 

Matthew fought off a sniffle. "Well, I've got to go with you don't I?" He saw Alex and Scooter go back into the cockpit.

 

Mike was ready to tell him that Alex was going to taxi him back to the terminal, that the decision had been made, even if it wasn’t by Douglas. But, Mike realized that if he and Scooter and Alex made the decision it would be an act of mutiny against Douglas and he would be finished as a leader. As much as he wanted to do the right thing for his little brother, Douglas was his friend and he couldn’t do that to him—at least not yet.

 

Douglas’s behavior right now was way out of character. Mike knew the incident with Robert Charles in the cave was still eating away at Douglas, and wondered if perhaps that was clouding his judgment.  Whatever was making him behave the way he was, he still was their leader.  If they committed an act of mutiny against him, no matter how good the reason, no matter how close their friendships were, they might as well not bother leaving the planet.  Mike knew that the way things stood now only Douglas could make the final decision unless they voted him out as leader.

 

"Go back and talk to Douglas," Mike told the little boy quietly.  "He will answer that question for you."

 

Still sniffling, Matthew got up out of his seat and walked to the cockpit, ignoring the looks from his friends. He found Douglas still staring out the window, deep in thought.

 

"Can I go home now, Douglas?" he asked respectfully.

 

Douglas turned slowly and faced Matthew. He saw Matthew's ashen, tear stained face and looked into his sad eyes.  He had a vision of the boy on the floor of the "Moonduster", so full of pain, yet so quiet and uncomplaining.  He remembered the little boy who would bravely whisper, "Green horsey," through the pain, trying to tell his friends what it was he saw out of the window, hoping it would save them.  He understood how much Matthew loved them, and he understood how much Matthew loved his Hakaanen family.  He knew he had been selfish and closed minded. His friends had been right for standing up to him.

 

Douglas looked at Matthew and smiled.  "Alex is going to taxi us back to the terminal," he said. "I think somebody who loves you very much is waiting for you."

 

"Really?" Matthew choked out.

 

"Yes, really." Douglas gave the boy a big hug and his best smile.

 

"I love you, Douglas."  Matthew got up out of the seat and walked back to where Mike was standing.  The tears started streaming down his face again, a mixture of tears of happiness and tears of sadness. He heard quiet mumbling among the boys, but nobody addressed him.

 

"I'm going to miss you, big brother. I love you."

 

"I love you too. But this is where you belong.  This is where your family is now.  I'm sorry that I told you differently. I was wrong."

 

"I'm happy. I'm doing what Alex said.  I'm following my heart."

 

"You're doing the right thing, little brother.  I'll never forget you. Ever."

 

"I won't ever forget you either, big brother.  You're my hero. You saved me back then on the ‘Starkeeper.’ I love you," he said one more time.

 

Mike leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, a kiss that turned to one on the lips—short but full of unconditional love. The shuttle started moving toward the terminal. Mike rubbed Matthew's ruffled hair and looked at the beautiful little boy whom he loved so much. He really would miss him, but he was happy for him.

 

Throughout the argument about Matthew’s future the rest of the boys talked quietly among themselves. The tension in the cabin of the shuttle was palpable. Most of the boys felt Matthew should be allowed to stay with his new family. The ones who thought Matthew should leave with them were Warren, Jeremy, and the twins. Warren and Jeremy felt the group should be kept together no matter what. Matthew was the only boy who was close to the age of the ten-year-old twins and they had grown to like him a great deal. Plus, the twins had a strong sense of family, and were perhaps a bit naïve when it came to understanding the negative environment Matthew had been growing up in.

 

All of the boys disagreed with how Douglas was handling things. They felt the issue should have been decided long before the “Survivor” sat poised for takeoff. While they weren’t ready to mutiny, the quiet talk among themselves was that they were prepared to stand up for Matthew, whom they all loved. They sat in their seats, quietly watching the emotional scene between Mike and Matthew play out.

 

“Matthew is staying?” Warren asked, breaking the silence. The boys had acted as if nothing had been happening that concerned them.

 

Douglas, who was was standing at the doorway of the cockpit answered the question. “Yes, he is. This is Matthew…,” he paused and broke out into his first real smile in days. “This is where Mattoo lives,” he finished.

 

The tension was broken as the boys of the “Starkeeper” stood up, clapping and cheering.  There was not a dry eye on the shuttle as all of the boys expressed their emotions. They would be losing somebody they loved, but they knew he would be happier on Inferno than any other place.

 

The shuttle parked on the tarmac in front of the terminal. Mike and Matthew got out of their seats. Matthew walked up to Douglas and wrapped his arms around him.

 

"Thank you, Douglas. I love you. I’m sorry I yelled and cussed.”

 

“You did the right thing—you had to stop us then or you never would have. I love you, my dear friend. I wish you nothing but happiness in your new life.  You're wonderful, Matthew.  Never forget what a beautiful person you are."

 

Mike opened the hatch as the stairs were rolled up to the shuttle. He looked for Enghar, hoping the boy hadn’t left so he wouldn’t have to watch the shuttle take off. He started down the stairs and then saw him, his arms wrapped around his father, his face buried in his father’s chest. There was a loud murmur from the onlookers as they wondered what was going on.

 

Mike turned and climbed back up the stairs as Matthew appeared at the opening. Enghar’s father watched as the big sixteen-year-old took the hand of the little eleven-year-old and led him down the steps.  He turned Enghar around and showed him who was coming down the stairs. Enghar's eyes opened up wide. He let go of his father and ran to the steps. The round-eared boy was holding a beat up backpack that held all of his personal possessions, except for one item, in one hand and Mike's hand in the other. He dropped both and ran towards Enghar.

 

"Mattoooooooooo!!!" Enghar yelled, while at the same time Matthew screeched, “Enghaaaaaaaaaaaar!!!”

 

They opened their arms and then hugged each other as they cried without shame.

 

"Are you staying?" Enghar asked.

 

"This is my home. Why should I leave? How can I leave my Meshanna?" He turned to the doctor who had followed Enghar and hugged his Hakaanen father. "Or my family."

 

He ran back to the steps and gave Mike a huge hug. "I love you, big brother."

 

"I love you, little brother."

 

Mike started up the stairs when Mattoo remembered what was still on the shuttle, packed away in a box in the storage compartment at the rear of the cabin. He was about to tell Mike when he saw Douglas come down the stairs carrying his robe of joining. He ran up to Douglas who handed him the robe. Douglas patted the boy’s shoulder and then climbed back up into the shuttle.

 

Mattoo watched Douglas stop at the opening of the hatch. He gave his friend and former leader a shy wave. Douglas smiled, waved back and returned to the cabin.

 

Douglas let the tears run down his cheeks. He remembered the day he left the buried tents in the desert, knowing little Matthew was dead, somewhere under the sand. He was positive that he would never see the boy again, and there was nothing he could do about it. He remembered how terrible he felt about losing somebody he felt responsible for. He remembered how ecstatic he had felt when he found out Matthew was alive and living with an alien family. Now, he acknowledged that the happiness Matthew felt as he and Enghar met and hugged was so obvious and magnificent he wondered why he tried to take it away.

 

 Scooter's words hit him. "When do I get to call you RC, then?" And Alex saying, "You didn't look to see what was best for the other person. You looked to see what was best for yourself. That's not what made you a great leader."

 

They were right. He had let it all go to his head thinking he knew what was right and what was best. Matthew was loved and happy right here. All he was caring about was making the adults, like Matthew's parents, happy.  Unlike Robert Charles, it was his friends who chose him their leader, not the adults. 

 

He knew Mike could have ordered Alex to taxi the shuttle back to the terminal, but he didn’t.  He understood why Mike sent Matthew up to the cockpit  to tell Alex to return to the terminal. Mike was giving him one more chance to do what was right for Matthew.  He knew this time he had made the right decision, the one that was best for a friend who loved and trusted him. Alex was right when he said, “Follow your heart.”

 

Douglas looked out of a window and saw Mattoo hanging tightly onto Enghar as if he would be sucked back into the shuttle if he let him go. He had his beautiful joining robe in his other hand.

 

The stairs were pulled away and the door was closed. Mike gave Douglas a huge hug, squeezing him tight.

 

“You did the right thing,” Douglas said. “You are the best friend a guy could ask for.”

 

“You’re the one who did it,” Mike reminded him. “All I did was send you the message.”

 

Douglas stood in front of the cabin. Alex, Stevie, and Scooter listened in.

 

"I was wrong guys. I thought I knew what was best for everybody, and that what was best was what I wanted. I promised to get you guys home, but I guess what I really meant is the way Scooter put it—I meant to get you guys to safety." Douglas paused for a moment. "And it looks like right now, the only person who has gone home is Matthew."

 

Douglas looked around the shuttle. "If anybody else feels like Inferno is his home, now is your chance. And there will be no hard feelings from me or anybody."

 

Travis spoke up. "I don't know about everybody else. I like it here. I like the Hakaanen. I made great friends here. If I had to stay here I wouldn't be unhappy. But, a lot of you really miss your families. And the Hakaanen need us to get them help if they are going to survive on Inferno. Douglas and Alex need as much help as they can get to get us to Hakaan. Matthew found a family and a love here bigger than what any of the rest of us found. He became somebody's Meshanna.  Mattoo," he used the little boy's Hakaan name, "belongs here. I could stay and be happy. But I don't belong here. I'm staying with all of you, my friends and family. Fuck safety, take us home, Douglas."

 

Mike added one thing. "You were wrong about Mattoo, Douglas. But you knew that and admitted it. But as for the rest of us, you are right. We need to go back. And you need all of us to make it so.  I have a feeling if all of this works out, maybe someday some of us will find our way back to Inferno. Now, let's get this crate off the ground!"

 

Douglas hugged Mike and looked up into his brown eyes.  "Thanks, Mike. I owe you."

 

"Bullshit. It's us who owe you.  I just helped make a payment for us."

 

They all sat back down and buckled up as Alex taxied back to the end of the runway. Scooter got up and sat next to Douglas. "They don't need me up there. They can take right off. I'll go back up when we're in space," Scooter said. "You were awesome at the end, my love. Thank you."

 

"I'm sorry I was such a stubborn mule," Douglas said, calling himself what his dad liked to call him.

 

"I'm sorry I said the mean thing I said to you," Scooter replied.  `About RC', he said mentally.

 

"Wake up call," Douglas said. "I needed it."

 

The two boys hugged each other.

 

"Why are we keeping the shuttle in space?" Warren asked Douglas from the seat across the aisle. "Don't the Hakaan at least need it for parts?"

 

"We're not keeping it in space," Douglas answered. “Roobine said this morning that he thought we should keep it docked to the starship. We're taking it with us. We don't know if they have shuttles that work on Hakaan.  So we might need this one. We know this one works and has enough fuel to land.  Plus, Alex knows how to fly it."

 

Warren nodded his head and grabbed Jeremy's hand.

 

The "Survivor" got to the end of the taxiway. Alex turned it, revved up the rockets, and let it shoot down the runway. The boys felt the wheels leave the ground as they lost contact with Inferno as they left the planet for probably the last time ever. As he looked at the receding ground out of his window, Douglas realized that for the second time he was leaving Matthew behind. But this time, it felt right.

 

Mattoo, Enghar, and all the Hakaanen watched and waved as the shuttle lifted off of the surface of Inferno with their future. Mattoo looked around and suddenly realized that he was the last round-ear left on the planet.

 

NEXT CHAPTER 52 Hakaan

 

Comments are welcomed.  E-mail me, Douglas DD, at TheHakaanen@Hotmail.com