Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to the memory of 14-year-old Jeremy Allen who was bullied so badly that he wasn't able to see past his difficulties and was driven to take his own life. We, as a society, need to do more to stop failing these kids.
Soon after I could tell that the boys were asleep, I called my brother. I told him about the events of the day and asked what his plans were for Sunday.
"Well, Brother… it might be a good idea if we just bought a boat! I have a feeling that this won't be the last of our day-long chats. But, as luck would have it, we have no plans and we're both off work, so I'll arrange for a boat if you arrange for both of the boys' fathers to be with us. If we're going to have this particular talk, I feel it would be best to do it all at once."
"You don't have to buy the boat, Randy… that is unless you really want to," I laughed before I continued, "I will call Mikey and Darrell tomorrow and get back to you if it's a go. You'll be impressed when you meet each of your nephew's boyfriends. They're cute, very cute."
We ended the call and I stripped off my clothes and climbed into bed. Four in the morning would be too soon in coming.
On the way to the local IHOP, I looked in my rearview mirror at each of my sons sharing one of the two rear seats with his boyfriend. Donna thought I was crazy buying a Suburban, but now, I'm glad I had it.
We pulled into the restaurant, but before we got out of the vehicle I turned around and said, "Boys, I am fully supportive of the four of you and your relationships, but realize not everyone will be. While we're out this morning, please refrain from any outward displays of affection for each other."
Scott acted as spokesman for the group and, after turning to look each of the others in the eye, turned to me and said, "No problem, Papa. We understand. Knowing what my grandpa did, I know exactly what you mean saying that."
The five of us went into the restaurant that, for five in the morning, was surprisingly busy. We were seated in a big booth with me in the middle and one pair of boys on either side of me. The boys all ordered the 'Lumberjack' breakfast consisting of ham steaks, bacon, sausage, three eggs and pancakes. Each ordered a large orange juice and milk. My order was a bit more reserved. All I really wanted was the never empty pot of coffee. But I ordered pancakes as well.
While we were waiting on our food, Scott began telling me about Mikey's dad and what he'd done. To say I wasn't surprised would be accurate. My memories of the man were, to say the least, not pleasant. After that uncomfortable discussion, our food arrived.
The boys tucked into their food like they hadn't eaten in a week. I smiled as I watched them devour all that food without a sound other than the scraping of silverware on plates. When they'd finished, Jake let out a belch that was heard all the way to the next county. This, of course, caused me to be embarrassed slightly and the boys to giggle and high-five my youngest.
"Ok, guys. I need to go over a few things. First off, Scott and Matthew…" Matthew interrupted me.
"Pops, excuse me for interrupting you, but would you call me Matty? When someone calls me Matthew I think I'm in trouble." He was smiling when he said it.
"Sure thing, Matty. Now, Scott and Matty, do you know if your fathers would be available on Sunday? I spoke to Patrick and Jake's uncles and we're all going out on a boat on the lake if we can arrange it."
The boys were elated and said they'd try to contact their fathers later that morning to make sure they were both available. We finished our meal and, after paying the bill and leaving a substantial tip for our server, we all got back into the Suburban and headed back to the farm.
When we arrived, the boys turned to their friends and Patrick said, "We have some chores to do, you guys can either hang out with us while we do them or you can kick back in the house."
I was proud of my boys for maintaining their responsibility for taking care of what they were supposed to, but I was more impressed that the other two offered to help, in order to get the chores done quicker.
At just before ten in the morning, the boys returned to the house having completed their chores. Scott called his father to let him know about Sunday and once he was done, Matty tried calling his. He was fortunate that Darrell answered his cell phone.
Having received agreement from both of their fathers I told the boys I'd make the necessary arrangements for Sunday and asked what their plans were for the day.
Patrick said they had thought to pack a lunch and go to the pond for a day of swimming. They'd be back by four to take care of the evening chores. It brought back memories for me of the times Randy, me and our friends would go to that same pond. I agreed and the four of them went into the kitchen to make up their lunches.
Once they had a cooler with enough food and drinks for the day, they took off. I noticed that none had gone up to the boy's room to get swimsuits, but honestly, I hadn't expected them to. Skin only was the apparel of choice in our pond as far back as I can remember.
I called Randy to arrange for Sunday then started making plans for my day.
I can't believe how cool Dad is being about everything. I knew he'd be nice, but he's going way beyond what I would have expected. Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset about it, not in the least.
As we were walking to the pond, Scott and I carrying the cooler, Matty said, "I can't believe I'm gonna go skinny-dipping. I've never done it before. Aren't you guys afraid someone will see us?
Jake turned to his boyfriend and took his hand. "Baby, we skinny dip in that pond almost every day; we've never had anyone come by. Don't worry about it. If someone does, just stay in the water."
That seemed to satisfy Matty and shortly thereafter we arrived at the pond. Scott and Matty commented how big it was as Jake and I set up the blanket and cooler under the shade of one of the many trees that lined the shore. As Scott and Matty continued looking out at the lake, the next thing they saw was Jake's naked backside running into the water closely followed by myself.
We turned and watched our boyfriends quickly strip, and enjoyed the frontal view. I made a comment to Jake that Matty was extremely cute, Jake commented that Scott had 'a big one.'
We spent an hour cavorting in the water, playing grabass (and other parts of the anatomy) just having a good time together. I was starting to get a little hungry so I walked out of the water and plopped down, naked, on the blanket. The next I knew the other three were there in the same attire and we sat and talked. It was nice being able to just hang around with Jake, Matty and my boyfriend, none of us worried about being nude around any of the others.
Scott and I had been talking to one another when he turned and then brought my attention to the other pair. They were laying facing each other making out. He whispered to me, "they're a cute couple."
Not to be outdone by my younger brother, I grabbed Scott and straddled his waist and began kissing him. The next I knew I heard Matty moaning. Turning my head I saw my brother's head between his boyfriend's legs, again not to be outdone, I assumed a similar position with Scott.
We traded places after we'd finished off our boyfriends so they could return the favor. Once done, we all went back into the water. Matty made a comment that he'd heard of blowjobs but never thought they felt that good!
When it looked like it was getting close to the time we'd have to head back, we got out and allowed the sun to dry us sufficiently enough to get dressed and headed back to the house. After cleaning it, we left the cooler to dry and went to take care of our evening chores.
When we returned, we went up to shower before dinner.
I had just paid the pizza guy and closed the door when four boys, shirtless and wearing gym shorts came running down the stairs. One thing I will tell you about young teens, they can smell food a mile away.
We all sat at the table and ate. I was glad I ordered three extra-large pizzas, that way I at least got a couple of slices. The boys were all in high spirits and seemed to be having a very good time. After dinner, we watched Stand By Me on video. The boys commented on how much they liked the characters. During the scene when Gordo found leeches in his shorts, the boys were giggling. Jake made a comment that he hoped their pond didn't have leeches.
Patrick told him he was glad too, if one attached itself to Jake, he might end up a girl. Scott teased that it wouldn't be much more than an appetizer for the leech. This caused the four to start roughhousing; something I allowed for a few moments before I broke it up.
After the movie, all four boys came over to me to thank me for allowing them the sleepover. Each gave me a hug and received a kiss on the forehead before I sent them up to bed. I had no doubt that I wasn't sending them up to sleep.
At first, I was a little upset with the joke Patrick and Scott said about my 'equipment,' but after thinking about it, it wasn't that bad. They're more than a year older than Matty or me, so it stands to reason they're much more developed.
Everything Matty and I do is better than the last. I can't believe how good he makes me feel, and I'm not talking just about sex. We talk about all sorts of stuff, but when we do stuff together I'm more worried about how I'm making him feel.
I think I'm going to excuse myself and go talk to Dad. "Hey guys, I'll be right back."
After going downstairs, I found Dad watching TV. I sat next to him and said, "Dad? Can I talk to you for a few minutes?"
He put his arm over my shoulder and said, "You know you can talk to me about anything, anytime kiddo. What's on your mind?"
"Dad, how do I know if I am feeling love for Matty?"
He thought for a few minutes before asking, "Why don't you tell me what you're feeling and thinking? Maybe we can figure it out together."
"Well… I really like it that he and I can talk about just about anything. We seem to have a lot of things we're both interested in. When we're together I'm always happy, and when we're not… like now, I kind of miss him."
"Ok, keep going."
"Um… when we… you know, do stuff, I'm more worried about if I'm doing things he'll like, I don't even care that much if he does stuff for me."
"Well, son… it sounds to me like you're heading more toward love than lust. My advice to you is to keep talking with him. Tell him what you're feeling and listen, I mean really listen to what he has to say in return. Ask him how he's feeling about things."
"Thanks Dad, that helps. Do you think maybe you can talk to me and him together if we need it?"
"Do you really need to ask? If he's comfortable talking with me about this kind of thing, I'm here."
"I love you, Dad."
"I love you too, Jake. Now get yourself back upstairs before that boyfriend thinks you've abandoned him."
I felt better after that talk. It's really cool to have a Dad like I have. When I got back upstairs, I went over to Matty and wrapped him in a hug. "Tonight, let's talk about stuff. I really want to hear what you think about how I'm thinking and feeling."
"Yeah, I think that would be a good thing, Jake. I'm feeling things I never imagined I'd be feeling and I think it's a good idea to talk about it."
I can't tell you how proud I am of Jake… that boy isn't yet thirteen, but he seems to think like someone much more mature. There isn't a doubt in my mind that he'll do great things in his life. That isn't to downplay my older son. Patrick, like Randy, had to blaze the trail dealing with his feelings without the knowledge of how things might turn out.
That isn't to say I won't worry about him, but I am relatively certain he'll meet all the challenges life will throw at him, safe in the knowledge that he has the support of those around him who love him.
For me, I found myself suddenly wondering about how things might have turned out with Zachary. I know now that he's happy in his life. Maybe I'll talk to Donna about inviting him and his family to come visit. I am sure that our boys would love to get to know him, his husband, and the two boys they adopted.
As I lay there listening to Jake's even breathing, I thought back on the talk we'd had…
The look in Jake's eyes conveyed to me that he was feeling much the same as I was. Hearing his words, "I think I'm falling in love with you, Matty."
Those was the exact same sentiment I was going to say to him. Hearing that he was more worried about me than he was himself reflected my own emotions. Tonight, I had no desire to do anything with him physically. Not because I wouldn't have enjoyed it, but… it seemed as if it would lessen the impact our shared words were expressing.
I kissed my sleeping angel, nestled into his arms and fell into a peaceful sleep.
Saturday mornings on a farm aren't much different than any other. I woke the boys up a little later that day. By 6:00 am we were in the Suburban heading out for breakfast. Today we descended upon the unwitting staff of the local Denny's. The boys, as I was expecting, ordered far more food than one would expect, but finished it all in record time. They were well behaved… at least as well behaved as four young teens and almost-teens could be.
After paying the bill and heading back to the farm, all four boys thanked me for breakfast and informed me that, after they completed their morning chores, they'd be heading back to the pond for another day of swimming. I had a number of things to prepare for, so them not being close-at-hand would be a blessing in disguise.
While the boys were doing their chores, I packed up the cooler with enough food to tide them over until dinner… I hoped. Once completed, they thanked me, grabbed the cooler and headed off. I explained that I had to run into town for a bit but I should be back long before they returned for the afternoon chores.
I think I'm probably the luckiest boy in the county. I have a boyfriend who I know loves me. I have a Dad, who even though he had to deal with a lot growing up, accepts me for who I am and who I love. I have a Papa who I feel as if I can talk to about anything.
Jake and his boyfriend, Matty, are cute beyond belief. I know we joke with them about things, but I must admit they're truly beautiful boys. I wonder sometimes though which couple is destined to be more in love. Honestly, it doesn't matter. We're quickly becoming a family.
The pond that day was more fun than the day before. We swam, played around, and yes… we did other stuff too. I was almost sorry to think that tomorrow it would end. School was fast approaching; we only had another two weeks of vacation.
As the time approached to return, I sat the other three down so we could talk. "Guys, I wanted to tell you that I am very happy we're all here together. I've come to love each of you like a brother… well, Patrick not like a brother, that would be just weird… anyway, I'm here for all of you if you need me.
I'm getting more nervous as time goes on. Tomorrow morning I'm going to be face-to-face with someone I hurt badly when we were younger. I hope I can convey to him just how wrong I was, how sorry I am. Nothing I can do or say will make up for what I did. I guess time will tell.
When the boys came back from the pond I had a surprise for them. I told them to head upstairs and get cleaned up. I'd already done their chores for the afternoon and we were going to have a Bar-B-Que. Needless to say, they were very happy with this development.
Darrell was finished with his stakeout and was going to be there, but Matty didn't know that yet. In fact, I had run into Darrell while I was in town and he came back to the farm with me to help me do the boy's chores for the afternoon. He went home before the boys had returned and would be back for dinner and would spend the evening with us.
When the boys came down, freshly showered and, thankfully, dressed, I started the coals in the grill. We were just sitting and chatting when Matty said, "That looks like my Dad's car, I wonder why he's here… I hope I don't have to leave."
I decided not to say anything at that point. Darrell pulled up and got out of the car, Matty and Jake running over to him and each giving him a hug. Once they were back with the rest of us, the boys sat down and Darrell joined us.
Dinner was as good as any BBQ could be. The boys told Darrell about the previous two days, leaving out some of the details. It was then that Darrell and I decided to hatch the plan we'd devised.
"Boys, Darrell and I have a few things to talk to you all about." They got quiet and were a bit puzzled when I stood and told them I'd be right back. I went into the house and grabbed the bag I'd prepared then returned and sat with them. Needless to say, they were a bit curious about what I had in the bag.
"Before I get into what I have here, we should talk a bit. I ran into Darrell while I was in town and we had coffee and a chat. I also called your Dad, Scott, and he's okay with what we're about to discuss."
This puzzled the boys even more. Darrell picked up where I'd stopped talking.
"Guys, Zeke has told me about some of what's been going on this weekend. I have to say that I was very proud to hear what he told me. Jake, please don't get upset, but he told me about the talk you two had last night and Matty, if you ever need to talk to either Zeke or me about anything, I hope you'll feel free to do so. Neither of us will judge either of you for anything."
"As Darrell was saying, I am very proud of all four of you and how you've dealt with this situation. I am also very happy that you have followed my rules as to what you can and can't do with each other. I've been doing some research and, I know this will be embarrassing for most of us, but… we need to talk about safe sex and anal sex."
The shades of red on the boys were bright enough to light up the night sky, needless to say they were silent. I reached into the bag and pulled out some supplies I'd bought…
Thirty minutes later, I'd explained to the boys the mechanics and precautions they'd need to use, and received agreement from them that they weren't planning on anything like what we'd discussed happening at any time soon.
I did provide them a supply of lube and condoms… just in case.
The boys went upstairs to bed, Darrell decided he'd just stay with me for the night since we planned on being at the lake to meet Randy and Ollie, along with Mikey at 6:00 am.
We arrived at the dock a few minutes before 6:00 am finding Ollie and Randy waiting for us. They'd reserved the same boat we'd taken out on our previous excursion. The boys ran over to their Uncles and introduced their boyfriends.
As they were chatting with Randy, Ollie came over and commented that I wasn't fibbing when I'd said the boys had good taste in their partners. They were as cute as could be. As we were talking, Darrell turned and saw Mikey driving up.
As he was about to say something, Scott hollered out, "DAD!" I could see the anxiety in my brother's expression. Ollie went to his husband, placing his arm over Randy's shoulder as Mikey approached.
For nearly a minute, not a word was said until Mikey finally broke down and hugged Randy. With tears streaming down his face he sobbed, "I'm so sorry, Randy. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."
"Mikey, we were all young then; you were simply repeating what you'd been taught to say and do. One thing I've learned in life is that Homosexuality isn't a choice, homophobia is. Unfortunately, at the ages we were, it's not always our own opinions we're voicing. What matters to me is that you're sincere and I can see that you are."
We herded the boys onto the boat and cast off. The boys took turns piloting the boat under the watchful gaze of Ollie as Darrell, Mikey, Randy and I sat in the lounge to talk. We spent some time just catching up. During this time we'd pretty much settled things from the past and started talking about the future.
About ninety minutes later, the boat came to a stop and we heard the splash of the anchor followed by four more splashes. Darrell turned to me and asked, "Did the boys wear swimsuits under their clothes?"
I was laughing so hard because I figured out what was going on that I wasn't able to answer right away. I did so by saying, "Let's go check up on them."
We got up and as we rounded the corner to the bow of the ship we were passed by four naked boys on their way to another flying leap off the bow of the ship. Darrell laughed and said, "Well, I guess I'm not surprised."
Ollie was given the task of watching over the boys so they didn't get injured as we all went to the galley to prepare lunch. Randy shared with us a case he was handling. When we'd heard the details we agreed that would be one of the things he'd talk to the boys about.
I was happy that Randy had bought the party pack of chicken. Four boys and five adults decimated 80 pieces of chicken, a gallon of potato salad, a gallon of coleslaw, and two dozen rolls. It never ceases to amaze me how those skinny boys can pack away so much food and not gain an ounce.
Once lunch was done and cleaned up, we told the boys to meet us in the salon so we could have a chat. When the adults entered the boys had taken one of the couches, sitting in couples. That left another couch and two armchairs for us old folk.
Ollie started things off, "Guys, I'm so proud of all of you. You've handled something that is troubling to many boys your age with relative ease. We wanted to make sure you are aware of what could happen though. Not everyone is as understanding as your Dads."
Randy then turned to us 'Dads' and continued, "You three are doing what's best for your sons. Be supportive of them, don't judge. Set limits that are fair and they'll follow them. If you set limits that are too tight, they'll just do whatever they want, but they won't be as safe. Also, you younger men need to take the responsibility of talking to your parent. Explain what's going on in your life. Don't hold back. I'm not saying you should go into detail of what happens behind closed doors, but know that they'll answer any question. If it's something that they're uncomfortable with, or for some reason you don't feel right talking to one of them, call Ollie or me."
Patrick then interjected, "Jake and Matty can talk to Scott or me too. We won't know much more than they do, but sometimes it's better to talk to someone closer to your own age."
Randy, still talking to the boys continued, "Now, let's look at the not so nice stuff. Watching how you guys interact with each other, it won't take long for the others at your school to realize you guys are couples. Once that happens you may have to deal with others that, for whatever reason, want to pick on you about it. I am working on a case right now about a boy, about your age, who was bullied really badly at school because he came out to a friend who told another friend, who told another, and quickly everyone knew it. It got so bad for him that he couldn't see a way to get the bullying to stop."
Jake asked, "Why didn't he go to the counselor at school?"
"He did, Jake. That counselor actually broke the law by not reporting it. He told Jeremy, that's the boy's name, to 'Man up and just take it.'"
Mikey spoke up at this point, "That sounds like what would have happened years ago. I thought we, as a society had gotten past that. I grew up in a very anti-gay environment, so I can see how it can happen, but I thought we'd gotten past that for the most part."
"Legally," Randy replied, "we have. Unfortunately, people sometimes follow their own set of morals instead of following the law."
Patrick had tears running down his face as he asked, "Isn't there anything we can do?"
"Sure there is. Once it's known that you're 'out' you'll be surprised how many of your classmates will want to talk to you. Let them know, and by extension others, that you're there for them too. If you're being bullied, or you see someone being bullied, tell someone. It's not being a snitch, it's possibly saving someone's life."
Scott was unusually quiet during this talk. Finally he broke his silence, "Before we moved I knew a boy who killed himself. He was a friend of mine and he was being bullied but nobody said anything. I even went to his funeral. It was so sad."
Patrick hugged his boyfriend as everyone else became silent. A few moments later, Scott started humming, then in a quite beautiful voice started singing.
Oh why, that's what I keep asking
Was there anything I could've
Said or done
Oh, I had no clue you were
Masking
A troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong and why
You would leave the stage
In the middle of a song
He faded out as his voice broke with emotion. There wasn't a dry eye in the place. Mikey was very surprised that his son's voice was so beautiful.
We decided it was time to lighten up things a bit. Randy and Ollie started telling of some of the good times they had growing up. The boys were encouraged by the story of how they lived their lives, interacted with their peers, and handled what few problems arose together. Their love grew as they did. Once Gay marriage was finally made legal, they were one of the first to take that step.
By the end of the day everyone was happy. We Dads felt closer to each other and our boys. I'm looking forward to seeing things develop among our new extended family. Before we docked, I took a few minutes and sat down with Mikey privately.
"I'm so happy to see that you were being honest with me when we first talked. I have no problem with any of the boys spending time, or even a weekend here or there at your place."
He didn't reply, he just gave me a huge hug and quite emotionally said, "Thank you."
We parted company back at the house. Scott and Matty went home after an emotional set of goodbyes.
The story of Jeremy Allen was true, other than changing his name to protect the privacy of the family. I knew the boy personally. He was the son of a friend I grew up with. Any time we lose a child for whatever reason it's a shame, but when it's caused by the child taking their own life because, for whatever reason, they don't feel they can go on, we've failed them.
I've been a supporter of "The Trevor Project" for some time. They're a non-profit organization dedicated to helping troubled young people avoid taking that last final step. Make sure your kids know that there's people out there who do care. If they can't talk to someone they know, tell them that they can go to http://thetrevorproject.org and get help, or just have someone to talk to.
Thank you all for your support of our youth. They are our future.
Author's Note: Yet another chapter will be released soon. I feel there's a lot more to tell about these four young men.
Thanks to all of you for your responses. If you enjoy my writing, please consider contributing to my GoFundMe campaign at: True's GoFundMe. For any contributions of $10 or more that I receive via my GoFundMe that reference this chapter, I will donate 75% of that donation in Jeremy's name to The Trevor Project.